Lately, I have been pondering the idea of self-control. It is something we hear often. Growing up, our parents taught us to practice self-control. As we get older, we are told to focus on having self-control. The older I get, the more I have realized that self-control is easier said than done, and I have finally figured out why.
What does it mean to have self-control? What comes to mind is the control of our actions, thoughts, and words. We do the right thing in our actions, like choosing to wave with all of our fingers as we are cut off in traffic. We think the right thoughts, like how the person who just cut us off is just as valuable as ourselves even though they do frustrating things. We speak only what is good, like saying words of love and encouragement as the person who cut us off waves with one finger. If you can do all of this without hesitation every time, you are a better person than I am. Of course, there are many examples I can use, but I’m sure you get the gist of what I am saying.
Self-control means that I must take control of self – myself. I can’t do that when the self in me is broken. Have you ever tried to focus on one image in a broken mirror? A broken mirror displays multiple images at one time. You can never get a clear picture or reflection in a broken mirror. It is only when you look at a clean, complete mirror that the reflection is whole and complete. We are broken mirrors, and to think that we can control ourselves is to say that we can make what is broken complete again. This is why self-control is impossible unless we look to the one who makes us whole.
Self is the enemy of righteousness. The more we focus on self, the farther from righteousness we get. Self is also the enemy of humility. Self and pride share the same address within our lives. Self tells us that we are owed something, which is a lie, as we are owed absolutely nothing. Self puts us on a pedestal, making us god and denying the One True God. Ultimately, the self is the enemy of God!
Jesus said, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). What happens on a cross? Death! The cross was used as capital punishment to kill. Jesus told us to take up our cross. Why? What do we have that needs to be put to death? The answer: Self! This is why the Apostle Paul wrote, “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires” (Galatians 5:24).
There is only one way to win the war on self: to be completely and fully submitted to God! Only through the giving up of self can we truly win the war that self constantly wages. We are incapable of having complete control over self. John the Baptist said it best when he said, “He must become greater; I must become less” (John 3:30). We must bow our heads before the Lord of all the Earth and fully submit to Him, contrary to what self teaches.
There is no such thing as self-control. There is such a thing as complete submission to God. We cannot control the self, but the self becomes less through total surrender to Jesus Christ. When we give God full control, we don’t need to worry about self. This doesn’t mean the self will never show up. On the contrary, the self will always want to rear its ugly head. However, the more we submit to Jesus Christ and humble ourselves before him, the self will never have an opportunity to win.
Nevertheless, be on alert. Self will want to regain control and convince you that you are in control. You lose total control when you give in to the lies of self. You may ask, “How do I keep the self from taking control?” First and foremost, get into the Word of God every day. As King Solomon wrote, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.” (Proverbs 3:5-7). In Psalms 119, the psalmist reminds us of what it takes, “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you” (Psalms 119:11). These verses are excellent reminders of what it takes to submit to God and ignore the voice of self.
Second, pray. Jesus gives us the perfect example of what to do when the self starts to rear its ugly head. Jesus Christ was entirely God and fully man. This means he was still tempted, just like us, in every way. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin” (Hebrews 4:15). When the time of His death was approaching and He was overwhelmed with emotion, He went off by Himself and pleaded with God the Father:
“Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. On reaching the place, he said to them, “Pray that you will not fall into temptation.” He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. “Why are you sleeping?” he asked them. “Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.” (Luke 22:39-46)
Notice in Christ’s prayer that He shared His self’s desires but followed it up with, “Not my will but yours be done.” Anyone in their right mind wouldn’t want to endure what Christ knew He was about to endure. This is why He prayed to the Father that He might be spared from the pain and anguish about to befall Him. Jesus could have easily rebelled, gave into self, and walked away. There was nothing that was stopping Him from doing that. However, because of his unwavering submission and devotion to His Father, He was willing to endure whatever came His way. He said, “Your will is more important than self.”
Finally, when you find yourself starting to listen to the deceiving voice of self, acknowledge it, repent of it, and seek God. David is an excellent example of this. As the King of Israel, he had a lot of opportunities to listen to the self, and many times he followed after the the self. His sin with Bathsheba was the best example of this (2 Samuel 11). After David’s sin, the Lord sends Nathan, the prophet, to confront David. What’s fascinating is that Nathan uses a story to tell David that he was wrong and made poor choices:
“The Lord sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, “There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him. “Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.” David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.” Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man!” Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” (2 Samuel 12:1-7a, 13a)
David fell prey to the self and committed horrible acts. However, he acknowledged his sin and repented when confronted about his actions. We will all fall prey to self, but it doesn’t mean we need to allow self to control us. When we acknowledge our sin, repent, and resubmit under the authority of Jesus Christ, we defeat the power of self.
When we submit to God, we aren’t controlling the self. We are allowing the ways of God to become more as the self becomes less. The ways of God bring peace to our lives. It is the self that brings chaos, pain, and frustration. The Apostle Paul says this in his letter to the Romans, “The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace” (Romans 8:6). To have a mind governed by the Spirit, we must die to self daily. Rather than trying to fight against self and have self-control, I encourage you to be God-controlled. “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up” (James 4:10).
Selfless Leadership Is Purposeful Leadership 