The Bride

I was driving up Highway 55 with my wife to McCall, Idaho. We were listening to a message by John Bevere titled “The Knock-off Jesus.” Even though his message focused on believing in the Jesus of the Bible and not the Jesus of society, he talked about the relationship between Christ and His followers. He spoke about how the Scripture calls those who believe in Jesus as His bride. Of course, this is metaphorical, but it holds so much meaning. We must truly grasp the significance of what it means to be called the bride of Christ.

Before her wedding day, the bride begins searching for the one she would be willing to dedicate the rest of her life to. She would date other men, figure out if they would work well together, and decide if she would be treated the way she deserved to be treated. The rollercoaster of choosing the best mate for her starts early. In school, she begins the process of “dating” boys to find that some treat her right and others don’t. She might “fall in love” with them, but she doesn’t love them. She builds relationships with these guys but doesn’t seem to find a guy she is willing to give herself to entirely. As she goes through college, she starts to find more meaningful relationships with guys that she chooses to date. However, she still feels like something is missing until that special guy enters her life.

She begins to date this one particular guy. She begins to find a connection unlike any other she had with previous guys. She begins to learn what real love is and finds that she wants to love this man forever. She pursues him as he pursues her. She is shown love in ways she had never seen before. She considers the sacrifices he will make for her and feels like a queen when she is with him. As they grow closer together, she chooses that this man is the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Eventually, she becomes engaged and begins to show that she is publicly willing to dedicate herself to him for the rest of her life.

On her wedding day, the bride dons a beautiful white dress. The white dress is meant to signify purity. She is saying that she has chosen to remain pure for her husband. Walking down the aisle, she makes a proud, public statement that she is giving up the 3.7 billion other men in the world to be joined and committed to only one man. She is choosing to leave every other option that is presented to her for the pursuit of a lifelong relationship with her husband. She says, “I do,” making a lifelong commitment to love, cherish, obey, sacrifice, and do everything in her power to help, support, encourage, and love her husband through sickness and health, forsaking all others till death.

This is the beautiful story of the bride. However, we don’t live like this in society. We don’t really believe in “till death do us part.” We don’t believe in respecting and honoring each other. What we do believe is that if it doesn’t work, we can always go our separate ways and negate our vows. Marriage doesn’t mean anything. We don’t believe in sacrifice or what real love is. We believe in self and eros, nothing more. However, the bride discussed in the Bible is not the bride of this world. It’s a bride who is 100% committed to her husband, genuinely forsaking all others!

Picture a married couple going out on a date. As they sit down at a nice restaurant, ready to spend a wonderful evening together, just the two of them, the wife gets a phone call. As she is on the phone, the waiter comes over and asks to take the order. The husband begins by ordering the seafood special. As he finishes his order, his wife gets off the phone and gets ready to give her order. The waiter turns to her and asks what she would like. To her husband’s surprise, she orders a New York Strip, Filet Mignon, and a Rib Eye. The waiter takes the menus and heads back to the kitchen.

The husband looks at his wife in awe and says, “Wow! You must be pretty hungry. That’s a lot of food for one person.” As he finishes his sentence, she stands to greet someone and offers them a seat at their table. Taken back, the husband looks at his wife, a bit confused. After all, he thought this night was supposed to be just the two of them. Before he can say anything, she stands and greets another person, this time with a passionate kiss. “What are you doing?!?” her husband says, quite upset.

His wife looks at him, a bit perplexed at his reaction, and says, “What? Oh sorry, Honey. I should introduce you. This is my boyfriend from high school, and this is my boyfriend from college. I thought it would be nice if they joined us tonight.”

As he sits there trying to figure out what’s going on. Another individual comes up to the table and passionately kisses his wife in front of him and the others at the table. “That’s it! What do you think you are doing? I am your husband! This is absolutely disrespectful. These guys shouldn’t have anything to do with you anymore. Are you still seeing these guys?”

“Honey, don’t you think you are overreacting?” she says. “I spend most of my time with you, but sometimes I spend time with these other guys too. They are still important to me. Don’t you think you are being a bit selfish telling me who I can and can’t be with?” At this point, his wife gets up from the table and storms off.

How would you feel if this was your significant other? What would you do if you were put in this situation? Would you feel disrespected, betrayed even? Would you feel like your world just flipped upside down? This scenario is an excellent depiction of our relationship with Jesus Christ. We say we are sold out to Him and that He is all we need, yet we quickly find ourselves spending time with things that have nothing to do with Him. We invite our old boyfriends to the table with Jesus and expect Him to accept that we spend time with them while claiming that we are sold out to Him.

There is a verse in the Bible that says, “Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'” (Matthew 7:22-23). Have you ever stopped and wondered what Jesus was saying with this passage? These people attend dinner with Jesus but invite all their old boyfriends to the table. They are not sold out to Christ. They have not forsaken all others and dedicated their life to Christ. These are the people that Paul warns us not to be, “Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming” (Ephesians 4:14).

We tend to have this ideology in Western Christianity that God is full of grace and that we are saved by grace. This is very biblical. However, we have taken this to an extreme that it was never meant to be. Grace works when we repent of our sins. If there is no repentance, there is no room for grace.

Consider this: Jesus doesn’t chase after people. Neither did Jesus share the benefits of following after Him. Jesus shared the facts and allowed each person to decide whether to follow after Him or not. The story of the rich young ruler is an excellent example of this:

“As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone. 19 You know the commandments: ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, you shall not defraud, honor your father and mother.'” “Teacher,” he declared, “all these I have kept since I was a boy.” Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth. Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!” (Mark 10:17-23)

Jesus told the rich young ruler precisely what to do. When the young ruler turned away, Jesus didn’t chase after him. He let him go. He wanted the rich young ruler to follow Him unhindered by the things of the world. Jesus wanted total and complete devotion to Him. This is why Jesus said, “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money” (Matthew 6:24).

Another example is that of Nicodemus. In the gospel of John, we are introduced to a Pharisee named Nicodemus who goes to Jesus by night so that others in the religious sect wouldn’t see him meeting with Jesus. He asks Jesus what he must do to have eternal life. Jesus tells him, but due to Nicodemus’s position in the religious council, He chooses to save his position rather than boldly follow Jesus. Jesus doesn’t chase after him. Jesus doesn’t say, “Oh come on, Nicodemus. Just follow me. I’m right here. You can do it!” Jesus let Nicodemus choose whom he wanted to serve, and for Nicodemus, it was his position in the religious council.

Jesus will allow us to choose whom we serve. Joshua made the same statement to the Israelites when they left Egypt and were about to enter the Promised Land. “Now fear the Lord and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your ancestors worshiped beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:14-15). Those who chose to follow and serve YHWH were blessed. Those who chose to serve other gods were forsaken, destroyed, and abandoned until they repented and returned to the Lord.

What makes us think that Jesus is going to come back and accept an unfaithful, promiscuous bride? What makes us believe that Jesus will save us when we cling to our old ways? The Bible says that God is a jealous God. The first commandment states, “You shall have no other gods before me!” (Exodus 20:3). This should be a wake-up call to all Christians. To claim to be the follower of Jesus means to forsake everything else and follow Him. We deny anything and everything that is not God. We live fully submitted to Jesus Christ. We do not allow our old boyfriends at the table.

When we sin – miss the mark – and repent of our actions and choices, it is the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ that saves us. If we allow sin to be a part of our relationship with Jesus, there is no saving us. Salvation comes through grace, and grace comes when we repent of our sins. There is no room at the dinner table for our old ways and Jesus. To think that we can live clinging to both Jesus Christ and our sin, is to invite eternal damnation. I never want to hear my Lord and Savior tell me, “Depart from me, for I never knew you.”

If we are the bride of Christ, let us live as such. Let us live holy, fully submitted to our Lord. Let us publicly stand, proclaiming our dedication and commitment to Jesus. Let us show that we have forsaken anything and anyone who is not Jesus Christ. Let us live committed to the husband of our souls till death brings us face-to-face with Him!

It Starts With Us!

You know what I miss? I miss kindness and respect. I miss people genuinely caring about each other. I miss solidarity and unity in our society. I miss when people could think and believe different things but still show love and compassion for each other. I miss a world where opinions didn’t determine how we treated others. I miss the days when people were held accountable for their actions and choices and took ownership of their lives. I miss the days when responsibility ruled in the hearts of humanity. I miss the days when love for one another was the foundation of society.

Writing this right now, I am having a hard time looking back and finding these qualities within the last 5 or 10 years in our society. Our world is so divided that goodness is hard to find. What was once good is now vilified, and that which was considered evil is now the norm. Humanity is breaking more and more each day. My heart breaks for this world. We have become so blind to our selfishness, narcissism, and conceit. We have allowed the darkness to overtake the light. 

I am reminded of the book A Wrinkle In Time by Madeleine L’Engle. In the book, there is a great disturbance within the universe. Beings from beyond our world take three children on a journey to show them the darkness overtaking planets and warn them of their impending doom if nothing changes on their planet. The children learn that this darkness is caused by something called the “It.” “It” controls the minds and hearts of others and doesn’t allow for individuality. “It” is absolute darkness and evil, and the only thing that can stop “It” is the one thing it cannot comprehend: Love. 

Our world has lost sight of what love is and what it means. Love is a four-letter word that is thrown around without thought or consideration. Society sees love as a feeling and emotion that comes and goes and means very little to the overall choices one makes. Our world does not know or understand the true meaning of love.

The Apostle Luke shares this story in his gospel: 

“On one occasion, an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?” “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?” He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'” “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this, and you will live.” But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” In reply, Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him, and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day, he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’ “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.” Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise” (Luke 10:25-37)

The story starts with a man asking how to inherit eternal life. Jesus responds with a question about the commandments. “What is written in the Law?” The answer – Love! Love God and love your neighbor. The man then asks, “Who is my neighbor?”. This is a fair question, but Jesus’ response speaks volumes to how we should think and respond. 

In Jesus’s days, Samaritans were despised by the Jews. They were considered half-breeds, part Jew, part Gentile. They were not looked on with respect or honor. They were outcasts and treated as such. When Jesus meets the woman at the well (John 4:1-26), the woman even states that Jews did not look favorably on Samaritans, “The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans)” (John 4:9). 

Houston, John Adam; The Good Samaritan; Royal Scottish Academy of Art & Architecture

In Jesus’ parable, we have a man who is beaten to the edge of his life, robbed, and left for dead on the road. A priest, or religious man, saw the dying man and walked around him. Then a Levite man, or a wealthy man, saw the dying man and also went around him. Finally, a Samaritan man, or a lowly commoner who is considered an outcast to many, saw the dying man, bandaged his wounds, put him on his donkey, and took him to an inn to get well. Not only did he do all of this, he paid for the man’s stay at the inn and even offered to repay the innkeeper any extra expense. In the end, Jesus asks the question, “Which of these was a neighbor to the dying man?” The answer – the one who showed mercy. “Go and do likewise!”

You see, Jesus answered the original question, “Who is my neighbor?”, with a call to action! He also called out the Jewish religious leaders for their hypocrisy. The answer is simple: everyone is our neighbor, and it is our job to treat others with mercy. It’s easy to point fingers, push blame, accuse others, and ignore others, but humanity was created to love through action. “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8). We don’t do this!

It doesn’t matter if you are a Christian, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist, or even an Atheist; the conduct of our lives should be the same – love others, be merciful, and do good to our fellow man. This should be the common ground all religions can agree upon! However, because of the broken state of humanity, the simple act of love has been blinded by pride, arrogance, selfishness, and hate! Oh, what wretched people we have become! We need to change. We need to stop, regroup, refocus, and strive to love our neighbors once again! 

This needs to start with each one of us. We must set an example for the next generation. Too many youth are dying, struggling, and hurting because we fail to teach and show love, mercy, and compassion. We must be the change we want to see in the world, and if you can sit back and honestly say that the world doesn’t need to change, I suggest coming out from under the rock you are currently living under. We must hold ourselves to higher expectations. We need to look at ourselves in the mirror and see the areas in our lives that are not showing love and mercy. We need to put away our pride, arrogance, and selfish greed and start taking care of each other. We need to learn how to love our neighbors and make this world a better place for our children and our children’s children. It starts with US!

If God Is Real, Then Why…?

I watched a video the other day where someone was arguing with an atheist. The atheist stated, “If God is all loving and good, then why is there so much suffering and evil in the world?”. This is an argument to prove that there is no God because of all the tragedy in the world. The individual arguing against this question did it by trying to prove God through reason. However, his argument never really answered the question. If God is all loving and good, why is there so much bad and evil in the world? It is a valid question that should be discussed because God is all-loving and good. However, there is so much bad and evil in this world that it is easy to conclude that there is no God.

As a believer in YHWH, I always had difficulty with this question because I never had a good answer. I could argue God’s existence through reason and logic. Still, I never had a good explanation for why God would allow so much hurt, suffering, pain, agony, and evil in the world. It wasn’t until I stopped and tried to see it through the eyes of God that I finally understood. I hope that what you read in this article sheds light on any questions you have, and if you ever want to have a deeper, more meaningful conversation, please feel free to contact me.

Let me start by quoting the Apostle Paul, “Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way, death came to all people, because all sinned” (Romans 5:12). This one man that Paul speaks of was Adam, the first human ever created by God. “Sin” can be best translated as “to fail” or “to miss the mark.” At the creation or the world, God planted an amazing garden and filled it with all kinds of beautiful things – birds, animals, flowers, plants, trees, etc. God then made a man and woman and placed them in this garden to live. There was only one thing that God commanded of the man and woman – ” but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die” (Genesis 2:17). Did you notice what would happen if they ate from that tree? They would KNOW good and evil and would certainly DIE.

You might think, “What a horrible God that he would plant a tree and then tell his creation not to eat of it.” Is it all that different from what we do? Don’t we do the same thing with the people we love? All God wanted was complete and utter devotion to Himself and no other. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship with someone they love has had these same desires. Out of all the men in the world, my wife chose me. All I ask is that she stays devoted to me as my wife and forsake all other men. She asks the same of me regarding all the women in the world: I would forsake all other women and be devoted to her as her husband. All God wanted was complete devotion to Him.

Here is where the answer to the original question begins to take shape. “If God is all loving and all good, then why does God allow so much hurt, suffering, pain, agony, and evil in the world?” The Apostle John said it well when he wrote, “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1a). What marvelous love the Father has lavished on us! The God of the universe loves his creation. He loves each and every one of us. He loves the righteous and the unrighteous – so much so that He died on the cross for both of them! (Romans 5:6, 8). The greatest act of love is allowing someone to make their decisions in life without judging, interfering, or imposing yourself on them so that they would do your will, and then stand with them throughout their life in the hope that they would see the error of their ways and look for redemption. And when they begin to look for that redemption, they turn and see that you, who have never left or forsaken them, are standing there ready to embrace them, love them, and redeem them. This, my friends, is the greatest act of love any of us could receive, and this is the gospel’s message.

This world has pain, agony, suffering, and evil because WE chose it. We decided to be unfaithful to God and seek out our selfish desires. In other words, we choose to sin, fail, and miss the mark. We are free to make whatever choices we want in our lives, but we are not free of the consequences of those choices. Remember what God told the first man and woman? “But you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.” YOU WILL CERTAINLY DIE! Death is a consequence of sin; the sin that WE choose to partake in. You see, God is all good and loving, which means he will never impose His will on his creation. He will allow His creation to make whatever choices they want and still choose to walk with them in their sin until they see the errors of their ways and turn to Him for redemption.

It is the same with any good parent. Parents warn their children of the consequences of what will happen if they make certain choices, but they will then allow their children to make whatever choice they want. We were warned what would happen if we didn’t listen to, trust in, and be devoted to YHWH. We would know good and evil, and we would most certainly die. We disregarded the warning and chose to do what we wanted through selfish ambition and desire. God allows us to make whatever decision we want in life. He will never impose His will on our lives. However, He does give us the consequences of what will happen if we choose not to listen to him.

To assume there is no God because of all the pain, agony, hurt, and evil in the world is to be ignorant to one’s own choices and decisions. Whether you like it or not, we are all connected, and your actions and decisions affect more than just you. “Just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way, death came to all people because all sinned.” One man caused death for ALL humanity. But here is the beautiful part of this story – “Consequently, just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous” (Romans 5:18-19).

God is love, and love is the ability to watch someone you love so dearly destroy themselves without imposing your will or trying to control their actions, and then save them through the sacrifice of your own Son in hopes that they might find redemption in that selfless act. Let me now ask you a question – is controlling, manipulating, or influencing something an act of love? Is manipulation and controlling good? If you think it is, are you willing to be owned by someone else and act and do exactly what they say without question? Are you willing to be in a relationship where you must act and work exactly as your partner tells you to do? My guess is no. Then why should God interfere and manipulate the choices and decisions of his creation? That wouldn’t be very loving or good.

Bad and evil things happen because we live in a world whose occupants have chosen to disregard the warnings from the Creator. We have sinned. We have missed the mark. We have failed. It isn’t until we recognize this simple fact that we will always be in denial of the consequences of our choices. You might be thinking, “I haven’t done anything bad in my life. I haven’t murdered anyone. I haven’t physically or verbally abused anyone in my life. I volunteer tons of my time to help those less fortunate than me. How can my choices and actions negatively affect others’ lives?” So you want to argue that you live a good life and do everything right, except you still are choosing to ignore and disregard the commands and consequences of God. “Jesus answered, ”I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me'” (John 14:6). Without God, we are nothing.

We only have ourselves to blame for the pain, hurt, agony, and evil that runs rampant in this world. God shows His love by not controlling, manipulating, or interfering in our actions and choices. He goes even further in His love by sending His Son to pay the price for OUR dumb choices and actions. However, what once was asked of us by God at the beginning of creation is still asked of us now – complete and utter devotion to YHWH through the belief, trust, and obedience to His Son, Jesus Christ!

Shut Up and Listen

Being a husband is challenging. Living with another human who thinks, acts, and responds differently than you is difficult. Women are complicated creatures, and nearly every man would agree with that statement. However, no matter how complex they are, we must protect and cherish them at all costs. 

“‭‭Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:25-33)

One of the hardest things for most men to do is shut up and listen. Most men are what I like to call “fixers.” We hear about a problem and want to fix the problem. We want to give solutions so the issue goes away. In my almost 15 years of marriage, I have never found that my wife wants me to fix her problems. She wants me to shut up and listen to her problems without giving suggestions or advice. In other words, she wants me to be the stuffed animal she used to curl up with as a little girl and share everything with. She needs me to listen and validate her and her feelings, whether I agree with them or not, because, let’s remember, I am a man, and how I think and feel is VERY different from how she thinks and feels.

Then there are the times when, as a man, I open my mouth and say something that doesn’t mean much to me, but to my wife may be hurtful or demeaning. This is where I get in trouble the most. I might say something that, to me, is nothing, but to my wife, it is hurtful and demeaning. Even though I didn’t mean for her to feel that way, she still does. It is at this point that I have a choice to make. I can puff out my chest, act like an arrogant fool, and tell her she’s wrong for taking what I said the way she did, or I can shut up and listen when she tries to tell me that what I said hurts her feelings. The latter is not a natural response.

Most men have a hard time listening. The skill of listening can either create a lasting relationship that can stand the test of time, or the lack of such skill can destroy the most beautiful of relationships. Here’s the bottom line, men: we need to learn to shut up and listen, and I’m not talking about listening by nodding your head while you think how ridiculous she’s being. I’m talking about selflessly engaging in what she is saying and seeking to understand and validate her. 

The key to all of this is humility and selflessness. We must remember that our wives do not think like us. They are sensitive and emotional creatures, which are both great things, as most men lack both, and it is our job to honor, cherish, and protect our wives in all things. That means that we need to protect our wives from ourselves as well.

Most real men are aggressive and headstrong. These are all good qualities, but we must learn to curb these natural tendencies in regards to our relationship with our wives. We must learn to be gentle and understanding. As the Apostle Peter wrote, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). We must live with our wives in an understanding way.  

To understand someone, we must first listen to them. This involves listening without preconceived ideas or intentions. It means we must remove our pride and arrogance and engage in the conversation with an open mind and heart. This is not natural for anyone. This takes a conscious effort when having a conversation. We are bent to try and justify our way of thinking or our opinion. In reality, our opinion doesn’t matter when our wife tells us how she feels or how what we say makes her feel a certain way. It is our job as men to understand our wives.

If you are like me, you know what you should do, but when it comes time to do it, you fail miserably. This is called being human. I believe this is why Paul writes, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but I do what I hate” (Romans 7:15). Paul goes on to say, “Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it” (Romans 7:20). The beauty of being human is that we are given a choice. We can choose to allow sin to reign over us, or we can choose to stop giving sin a foothold in our lives. Many of us have allowed sin to infiltrate our heart and mind so profoundly that we justify our actions and words with, “This is just who I am.” In reality, we are better than what we claim to be. 

I say all of that to say this. When we fail at being a husband who should listen and seek to understand our wife, we must humble ourselves before our wife and take ownership of our faults and failures. We must mend the bridge we broke when we chose not to listen with humility and selflessness. We must go back to our wife and seek to rebuild the relationship we broke by not striving to understand her. We then learn from our faults and failures and try harder the next time we are put in a position where our wife needs us just to shut up and listen. 

Marriage is an establishment designed by God. God created male and female. He made them just the way they were meant to be. Men are naturally bent to be determined, aggressive, confrontational, and headstrong. These qualities were needed for survival at the beginning of time, and at times, these characteristics are still needed. However, they are not necessary in our relationship with our wife. Men, we can be these things in our careers, an emergency, or in a state of survival, but when it comes to the relationship with our wife, let’s take a step back, humble ourselves, learn to shut up, listen, and live with our wife in an understanding way. 

40 Years and Here Is What I’ve Learned

Two days ago, I celebrated my 40th birthday. As someone who believes in personal reflection, I thought it necessary to stop and consider the lessons I have learned in the 40 years of being on this beautifully created planet, and also consider what my next 40 years need to look like.

As a child, I grew up in a loving home with parents who worked hard to provide me and my sister with a good life. I had the dream childhood of growing up on acreage that was surrounded by trees and woods with no one around. The neighbors’ houses couldn’t even be seen. I spent most of my days outside running, digging, riding my bike, climbing trees, and just being a kid. It was amazing. All that changed when I was 13 years old. My parents filed for bankruptcy, and we had to sell our property. Life quickly changed. 

From the time I was 13 till about the age of 23, I was careless, thoughtless, and mindless when it came to anyone or anything else. If there was a deeper, more harsh word for selfish, I would put it here. I said and did so many stupid things that it is a wonder that I am still alive or not in jail. My teens and early twenties lacked discipline, focus, and most of all, compassion. This decade of my life created habits that were destructive and near impossible to break. It was during this time of my life that I lost one of the most important relationships to me – the relationship between me and my sister. By God’s grace, I was able to regain the relationship I had lost.

At the age of 23, I was given an ultimatum by my parents – go to college or move out. I chose college because I loved the free rent. Again, at this time of life, I was selfish and self-centered. I chose to go to Multnomah University in Portland, Oregon. This is a Christian University with a focus on Bible and Theology. I know, you’re probably thinking what I am thinking now, “Why would a kid who is selfish and self-centered choose a Bible college?” Honestly, I don’t know myself, except it was a place that might provide me with some structure.

I didn’t go to college to learn or get better. I was loving my life. I had more money than I knew what to do with, I didn’t have to answer to anybody, and all I cared about was finding the next feel-good drag. Life was sweet but very empty. That is until she walked into class. Her name was Summer Hutchison. She had the most beautiful, long brown curly hair, the most amazing brown eyes, and a smile that would make any rainstorm turn to the most beautiful sunny days. She walked with a bounce in her step, and she could command a room just by being in it. My life changed the day she walked into it. 

Between the ages of 23 and 25, I was becoming a new man. I was learning what selflessness, compassion, and real love looked like. This amazing woman walked into my life, and I knew that she was my soul mate. However, I also knew what kind of person I was and that I was nowhere worthy of even thinking I could be in a relationship with her. In the beginning phases of being twitterpated, I would act a fool trying to get her attention. I was loud and obnoxious, and all I wanted to do was make her laugh. For the first three months of getting to know her, I was still living like a fool doing everything I shouldn’t be doing.

During our first semester together, she made it clear that she was not there to date and that she was focused on her academics and studies. This didn’t stop me from trying, however. At the end of our first semester together, we finally got to go on a date. I told her that I thought she was pretty amazing, and that I wanted to pursue a relationship with her. She acquiesced to my request and said she would be looking forward to talking more over the summer – she was going back home to California for the summer. I told her I would call her.

A month into summer and I still hadn’t called her. I realized that I needed to do some growing up and make some drastic personal changes to my life before I was ever going to have a real chance with this woman. So I started cleaning up my act and getting rid of the people in my life who were not of good influence. Finally, after a month and a half of not calling, I was sitting in the parking lot of a Wendy’s at around 9 p.m. with my phone in my hand. I dialed her up and waited with absolute angst for her to answer. Her voice came over the phone, and I spilled my guts out to her. I told her, “I’m sorry I haven’t called you, I have been cleaning up my life. I need to tell you about me, who I am, and what I’ve been doing, and if at the end of everything I have to say you want to hang up and never talk again, I understand.” So I did. I shared it all. I shared all the dumb things that I was doing, all the stupid choices I had been making, and the life I was living. After I was done, I waited for her response. She said, “Thanks for telling me. And no, I don’t want to hang up.”

The next four years were a whirlwind. We started officially dating, we got engaged, graduated college together, and a few months later, at the age of 25, we got married. It was incredible. I knew that I had married the perfect woman for me and that we were going to be together forever – and then the honeymoon phase wore off. You see, she was a respectable woman who didn’t live the life I lived. She may have flirted with emotions and feelings, but she never let them overtake her. Me on the other hand, I went with everything and did it all. Now here I was, married to one woman, forsaking all others, and having a hard time coping with it all. I treated my new wife poorly because I was resentful of her. She was a young woman who had new and exciting emotions and feelings that she wanted to explore, and here I was rejecting her and denying her the ability to express and explore those feelings. (Side note, I wasn’t aware of this until years later). 

As time went on, we slowly started learning how to live with each other. Let’s be honest, sharing a life is not easy, and I, being someone who knew nothing but selfishness, made sharing a life with someone very difficult. All I knew was that I loved this woman and couldn’t imagine living life without her. I had to do a lot of introspection and learning, and I needed to start making changes in who I was. It also didn’t help that our plan for a career after we were married was also taken away from us, and we didn’t know what to do. You know, now that I am thinking about all of this again, maybe that happened for a reason – without our plans being disrupted, we wouldn’t have had to come together and learn to rely on each other for the next steps in our journey together. (Thank you, Jesus!)

At the age of 28, I went back to school to get my Masters in Education. For the first semester of school, I was on academic probation. Meaning, that if I didn’t hold a 3.5 or higher, I would be kicked out of the program for a year before I was allowed back in. I finished my bachelor’s degree with a 2.2 GPA. Let’s just say, I didn’t care about my academics and studies then. However, here I was now wanting to get my Master’s degree and because of my poor choices, I nearly missed my opportunity. I made it through my Masters with a 3.8 GPA – Statistics sucked! 

At the age of 29, I was filling out applications to schools all over the United States. Only one school called me back; the New Meadows School District. My wife and I left Portland, Oregon in August of 2011 to move to a little city with a population of 500 people to take a 4th/5th grade teaching position. Talk about a year of strife, struggle, and anxiety. I was considered the outsider, and in a small, rural Idaho town, outsiders are rarely if ever welcomed with open arms. 

By the time the first semester ended, I was already looking for another job. Yeah, that’s how awesome it was going. I was going in before the sun was up and didn’t get home until well after the sun went down. My wife and I rarely saw each other, as she was working in the town just east of us as a barista and social worker. However, we must have seen each other enough, since in March of 2012, my wife told me that we were pregnant with our first child. 

2012 was a year of living by faith. My wife and I had a theme song for that year – Chris Tomlin’s I Will Follow. The school I was teaching in was toxic and wasn’t doing anything good for me or my wife and I’s relationship. I told the principal of the school that I was not coming back even if he would ask me to stay. That year, my wife and I became homeless, and jobless, all while she was pregnant. It was another year that brought us even closer together. By the end of the summer, the Lord provided us with a job in the district that I currently work in – Mountain Home, Idaho. 

Since our move to Mountain Home in 2012, we have added four amazing children to our family, moved three different times, and have gained some amazing relationships with people in our community. I have also tried my hand at politics and ran for City Council, I worked as a firefighter for the city for 8 years, I have worked in other emergency services for Elmore County, I have served on numerous education and political boards, and I have earned a Doctorate degree. All in all, it has been a decade of trial and error, positives and negatives, and failures and learning.  

The question is, what have I learned through all of this? Firstly, life is an adventure. With that, we get to determine the adventure we want to have. We can sit on the sidelines and never really experience life due to fear, judgment, or condemnation, or we can choose to have the adventure of a lifetime where we can experience many great things. Life is unpredictable, and what we think we know doesn’t even compare to the things we don’t know. Life is about learning, growing, and becoming better. Who I am now is nothing compared to who I was, and honestly, I wouldn’t want it any other way. However, I wouldn’t trade what I have gone through for anything either. Who I am today is because of what I have gone through both good and bad.

Secondly, having someone to share life with makes all the difference in the world. We were created for community and relationships. However, to have a life partner means that we must no longer put ourselves at the front of the line. To make a relationship work, we must sacrifice ourselves for the betterment of our partner. We must always be willing to reflect, take ownership of our faults and failures, and be willing to work on ourselves to help, support, and add value to our partner. My wife is my best friend. She is the one I am willing to cry in front of, share my darkest secrets with, and be vulnerable with. She has made me a better man because she is an incredible woman. She saved me from a life of selfish degradation. She helped me find value in myself. She made me want to be a better man, and she still does every day.

Thirdly, without Jesus, there is no hope. Through all of the darkness in my life, my faith in Jesus has given me hope when none could be found. Jesus never fails. He is merciful and forgiving. He wants the best for us, but will never push His will on our lives. He gives us the choice between a life of blessings, brought through obedience to Him, or a life of cursings, brought on by our own selfish intentions and choices. He is faithful when we are faithless. He will never leave us or forsake us. He is standing at the door and knocking and will wait as long as it takes for us to open the door for Him. He is the giver of peace, the bringer of hope, and light in the darkness. He loves us no matter what, and he is willing to walk with us through the muck and mire that we get ourselves into. He was, He is, and He always will be.

Fourthly, the decisions we make today have a significant impact on our future, whether we think so or not. In the first year of marriage, I was resentful toward my new wife because of the choices and decisions I had made before I even knew her. My choices affected my relationship with my wife. I have a saying that I teach my students: “You are free to make whatever choice you want in life, but you are never free from the consequences of those choices.” Just because the consequence doesn’t happen right away doesn’t mean it will never happen. Be sure to stop and think about the consequences of the choices you make before you make them. Don’t just assume that becasue you didn’t see or feel any consequrences right away that you won’t have any. My consequences showed up many years after my choices.

Finally, aging is the most incredible experience there is. Looking back at who we were and comparing it to who we are now can be extremely enlightening. I know that I still have a lot of work to do to become better mentally, physically, and spiritually. Aging is a process that allows me the opportunity to try again and again. Every day I am given is an opportunity to be better; to grow and become the man I was called to be. Even though every day gets me closer to finality, I have learned that every day we are given is a gift and should never be determined by what we have done the days before it. We must live one day at a time, and be thankful for the days we are given. Do not take the day for granted. Seize every opportunity, and if you fail at something, reflect, learn, and keep moving forward. Life is meant to be lived, so live it well.

I am excited to have reached this 40-year milestone. I am looking forward to reaching the next milestone – God willing. And if I don’t, I pray that each day I am given will be lived in a way that positively affects those around me. Thank you, Jesus, for these forty years you have given me. I pray I can serve you better in the next 40. 

This One Is For All The Fathers

The doorbell rang the other day, and two young men stood before me. I say young men because neither of them had to be above 25 years of age. They were salesmen trying to get me to buy into what they were selling. As we talked, one of my daughters approached me to see who I was talking to. One of the young men asked if she was mine, and I smiled, “Absolutely! She is one of three daughters I have.” The young man told me his daughter had just turned one year old and asked me for advice. This was not an easy question to answer in our short time together, so I looked at him and said, “Our daughters need their daddy. Be present.” 

This got me thinking about fatherhood and what it means to be a father. I wrote a list of what I found to be valuable attributes of being a father. These are in no particular order, but the following is a list of fatherly attributes that fathers need to adhere to.

Love at all times

A father’s love is one of the most powerful gifts we can give our children. Love is not words we say at the end of the day when we put our children to bed. Love is an action, and more importantly, it is self-sacrificing. When we don’t want to sit in the rain and watch their soccer game, we do it anyway. When a project is due for work, and our son or daughter asks us to play, put down the laptop and play. Love is engaging, not passive. It says, “You are important, valuable, and mean the world to me, and I will do everything in my power to never let you forget that.” So with that, love at all times.

Be present 

Being present doesn’t just mean showing up. It means you are engaged in whatever your children are doing. Today’s society has this egregious habit of shoving their face in their phone. I have noticed that fathers are the worst at doing this. It’s like their phone is a third appendage that needs constant attention. I used to be that way. I was immersed in social media and stupid videos, and if it wasn’t that, I was dealing with work. I had to make a conscious effort to change my habits and behaviors. I got rid of social media from my phone and placed limits on work. When I first started this change, it was hard. However, over time, I found that I was having a more engaging time with my children, and I have grown to hold on to those moments. Be present. Engage with your children. Put the phone and distractions away and be there for your kids.

Be vulnerable 

This one is uncomfortable for most men. However, it is one of the most important things you can do for your children. Being vulnerable goes hand in hand with being humble. As a father, you will screw up. You will make mistakes. You won’t always get it right. However, what’s most important is when fathers can take ownership of their mistakes and failures and seek to rebuild relationships with their children. There have been times when I have come down too hard or was over the top with my reaction toward my children. During those times, I have to humble myself in front of my children, admit my faults, and ask for forgiveness. If I didn’t address my failure as a father in those moments, I would have slowly started to sever the relationship with my children, and that’s one relationship I never want to lose. Bottom line, when you make mistakes toward your children or in front of your children, humble yourself, be vulnerable, and seek to build strong, positive relationships with your children. 

Listen 

This goes with being present. Our children want our attention. They want to know they have our attention and are important in our eyes. To do this, we must listen to our children no matter how unimportant the information they want to share. Listening shows our children we care about them and what they have to tell us. This will lead to strong relationships later in life. If we haven’t shown our students that they matter to us and that we want to hear what they have to tell us, then when our children become teenagers, we will never be in the loop of what’s going on in their life. Listen attentively and show your children that they are essential. 

Be the example

Fatherhood is a position that comes with tremendous responsibility. One of our most important responsibilities is to be an example of love, respect, honor, integrity, and discipline. Our children look to us to show them how to live life rightly. Be the person you want your children to become. Show them what it looks like to treat their mother well by treating your wife well. Show them what love looks like by sacrificing your wants for their needs. Show them what respect looks like by how you interact and react with others. Our children are always watching us. They want to see how we act, respond, work, etc. We need to be an example for our children. Think about your actions and words before you make them and speak them.

Be slow to speak and slow to get angry

Your children will inevitably anger you. Before you respond, take a breath and pause. Be angry, but don’t allow your anger to control you or your actions. When we allow our anger to dictate our actions and words, we damage our children emotionally and mentally. Will you mess up? Absolutely, but that is when you become vulnerable. Admit the error of your ways and use it as a teachable moment with your children about what not to do and why it wasn’t okay to allow your anger to control you. Anger is a part of who we are, but it is our choice to allow anger to control us. We must be better men, better husbands, and better fathers. We need to step back, breathe, and speak in love. 

Date your daughters 

This sounds weird, but in reality, it is the father’s responsibility to help their daughters set the expectations for the boys that come into their lives. Show your daughter(s) how a real man should treat them. Take them out, open the door for them, talk with them at dinner, and truly engage with them. Listen to their joys and their struggles. Don’t use it as a time to correct their behavior or change what you don’t like. Use it as a time to get to know your daughter. Ask them questions without having to solve their problems. Be attentive to what they are telling you. My favorite thing to ask my daughters is how I could be a better father. What would they like to see me change about myself? Ultimately, I want my daughters to know that I care about them, love them, and value their input and ideas. With that, I want them to never settle for a boy who doesn’t appreciate them or their opinions. I want to be the example they look to for a future partner in life. I am their example of what a real man should be, so I must be that man.

Teach your son(s)

Spend time with your sons one-on-one. Teach and show them what a real man is and how they should act. Teach them the importance of respect, honor, integrity, and discipline. Here’s the clincher: you must be that man. Do not give your son lip service. Teach your son through your actions. Be a man of respect, honor, integrity, and discipline. Teach your son the value of hard work and taking ownership of their choices. Teach them to love their mother and to treat her with respect. My father told me when I was young that how I treated my mother would be how I would treat my wife. I wish I would have listened to him then. I was rude and disrespectful to my mother growing up. That is exactly how I treated my wife during my first few years of marriage. When I finally realized what I was doing, I worked hard to change my actions and behaviors toward my wife. Bottom line, we are their example of what a real man should be, so we need to be that man. 

Be patient 

This is challenging for most men. Patience is essential to building strong, positive relationships with your children. I struggle with patience, and I have seen the effect of what being impatient can do to my children. I am in a constant battle with myself over my inability to be patient. I know how important it is to build up strong, capable, and patient children. They deserve my patience. As men, we must keep ourselves in check and practice patience with our children. The relationship with our children should be a top priority, and being impatient can hinder that relationship. 

Be a father, not a friend 

A father’s job is to guide their children to do what is right. Speak truth into your children’s lives, no matter how hard that truth is to hear. Discipline your children with consequences that match the crime. Hold to those consequences and don’t waiver because you don’t like seeing your children suffering. You need to remember, their own choices brought on their suffering. This is where being a father is hard. We need to allow our children to suffer because of poor decisions. This is where they learn to become better. Ensure you are not being overly aggressive or harsh in your consequences. We must remember, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Also, “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” (Colossians 3:21).

Surround yourself with real men 

As a father, you need to set an example for your children. If you don’t have one for yourself, you won’t be able to set one for your children. Surround yourself with real men who are good role models. It’s time to drop the loser friends and surround yourself with men of good repute. To be a good father, we need other men who will encourage, strengthen, and support us in our fatherhood. We need men in our lives who are good examples of what being a father looks like. If all you and your friends want to do is sit around, drink beer, and play games, you are already a loser dad. However, if you and your friends want to be outdoors, go on hikes, go hunting, etc., then bring your children and speak into their lives. Surround yourself with men who want to be good fathers and know what it takes to be a good father. If you don’t have men like that around you, seek them out. Hint: A bar is not a good place to find these men. Read books. Educate yourself on what a good father looks like and how they should act. 

Book Recommendations:

Raising Men by Eric Davis
Being A Dad Who Leads by John MacArthur
The Intentional Father by Jon Tyson
You Have What It Takes by John Eldredge
Be The Dad She Needs You To Be by Dr. Kevin Leman

Men, it’s time to stand up and be engaged and intentional fathers to our children. It’s time we intentionally build relationships with our children and lead by example. It’s time to give up selfishness and selfish ambitions. It’s time to be engaged, present, authentic, and humble. Let’s give our children a great example of how real men should live life.

Draw Near

“Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you” (James 4:8a). Did you know that your relationship with God is based on the work you are willing to put into it? James made this very clear by stating that we must draw near to God if we want God to draw near to us. However, it is essential to understand that drawing near to God doesn’t mean testing or trying God to see if He is there. Jeremiah made this very clear when he quoted God, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:13). If we want to have a relationship with God that is purposeful, meaningful, and real – we must take the first step and draw near to Him.

James 4:8 doesn’t end with God drawing near to you. James goes on to say, “Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” It is important to understand who we are drawing near to. God isn’t the queen of England, the President of the United States, or any other important figure. God is God. He is Yahweh. He is the Creator of the universe who can measure the distance of the universe with the span of his hand (Isaiah 40:12). He is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. We are not drawing near to just anybody. We are drawing near to the great Almighty. We must purify our hearts, repent of our sins, and humbly approach Yahweh to draw near to God.

It is more than just opening the Bible and saying a prayer here and there. To draw near to God, we must seek Him with ALL of our heart (Jerimiah 29:13). Before marriage, two individuals who fell in love sought each other with all they had. They spent as much time together as possible. They had an affection for each other that was unmatched. Each person would choose to spend their time with the other over anything else. They would travel many miles if needed to be in the other person’s presence. They would spend hours on the phone talking or not talking. Overall, they didn’t want to be away from each other unless they had to be. This kind of dedication and pursuit is the same that we need to have with Yehwah. 

After a few years of marriage, something tends to happen between the two people who fell madly in love and want to spend all their time together. Life sets in, and the passion they once had starts to fade. It doesn’t mean they don’t love each other, but their passion and desire to spend every minute together becomes less important. Other things become a priority – jobs, children, chores, hobbies. These things begin to take up each person’s time, and the passion they once had slowly fades or is replaced with something else.

Our relationship with God is very much the same. For those who found God and His marvelous love and mercy He has for His creation, their relationship with Yahweh was unmatched. They would sit for hours reading the Word of God. They would go off by themselves and sit in the presence of God. They would blare worship music and never wanted to be away from God’s presence. However, as time progressed, life got in the way. The passion they once had for God slowly gets replaced with other things in the world, and the dedication and passion that was once so strong slowly fades away. I speak from personal experience.

We then question where God is in our lives, and sometimes we might even doubt His existence. Even though we have sat and basked in his presence, we allowed our passion and desire for Him to fade to the point that we don’t even know if He is real. We blame Him for abandoning us. We blame Him for not being present in our life. However, the reality is that we are to blame for it all. We chose to stop pursuing God. We decided to allow other things to take His place. We let the god of this world fill our heads with lies about Yahweh, and our relationship with Him slowly faded. You see, God never departed from us. He never stepped away and left us alone. We did all of that on our own.

Just like in marriage, if a married couple is not careful to pursue their spouse, spend quality time with them, and give them love with all that they are, their relationship begins to crumble. Each person in the marriage will slowly find other things to fulfill their needs and their wants rather than finding it in the person that once fulfilled those wants and needs once before. A marriage takes work and dedication. Marriage is unlike any other relationship. Marriage is a relationship that is grounded on dedication, commitment, and, most importantly, love. When bad things happen in a marriage, there tends to be a tendency to blame the other person for the problems in the marriage. However, there shouldn’t be pointing fingers and blaming. It should be time for both individuals to search their hearts and seek to rebuild their relationship with the other person. To do that, each person must humbly draw close to each other and regain the love that they once had. They must shed the distractions and other things they have allowed to take precedence in their lives. When they have done that with all of their heart, the marriage will once again thrive, and the couple will rediscover what they once already knew about their spouse.

When we stop putting our focus and attention on Yahweh and start putting our attention on the newest shiny object or the mundane activities of life, our relationship with God suffers. And because we are selfish sinners, we tend to blame God or accuse Him of walking away from us when in reality, it was us that walked away from Him. Nevertheless, there is hope. When we choose to repent, cleanse our hands, purify our hearts, and seek after Yehwah with all of our heart, we will find that He has been there the whole time, ready to pick up where we left off. 

We must be the ones to initiate the rebuilding of the broken relationship we caused. We must draw near to God. It is then that God will draw near to us. God values relationship and wants an intimate, authentic relationship with you and me. However, God allows us to dictate what that relationship looks like. He never forces us to have a relationship with Him. He gives us the benefits of what happens when we choose to have a sincere, authentic relationship with Him in His word. He is not a controlling God. He is a jealous God, but He is not manipulative or demanding. He allows us to determine our paths in life. 

As we build relationships in our own life with those around us, we tend to put worth, focus, and trust in relationships that are real, sincere, and meaningful. That kind of relationship is few and far between. Most of the relationships we have in our life are acquaintances and passing friendships. We won’t share our deepest secrets with these people as we would with those who we are closest to. They have yet to earn our trust due to not knowing them as deeply as we do the ones we have dedicated our time and energy to. The relationships closest to us are the ones we value the most. God is no different.

Yahweh wants a close, intimate, and sincere relationship with us. He wants to share His deepest secrets with us. In Psalms 24, the psalmist says, “The LORD confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them” (Psalms 24:14). Another version puts it this way, “The secret of the Lord is with those who fear Him, and He will show them His covenant.” Notice that the Lord wants to share with us His secrets. However, He only does this with those who fear Him. The word “fear” doesn’t mean “to be afraid of.” Instead, ” fear ” in this context means “to revere, honor, and obey.” Many of us, especially in Western society, have lost what it means to “fear” the Lord. How can we ever expect a deep, intimate, meaningful relationship with Yehwah if we no longer fear Him? 

The same concept applies to the relationship we have with our spouse. If we no longer honor or respect our spouse, how can we expect to have a lasting, meaningful relationship? When we no longer see our spouse as someone who deserves our love, respect, admiration, etc., our relationship with them begins to fall apart. Our relationship with God is very much the same. If we don’t truly understand the authority and power of God and show him reverence, honor, and obedience, how can we expect to know and understand God? When we draw near to God, let us do so with great fear. 

The next time you wonder where God is in your life, or whether or not He even exists, look in the mirror and determine what you have done to no longer seek God with all your heart and how you no longer fear Him. What things have you replaced God with? What has your attention? God wants a relationship with you, but He will never force you to have a relationship with Him. He will allow you to determine the kind of relationship you want to have with Him. Draw near to Him, and He will draw near to you!

Heart’s Desire

Have you ever wanted to have a relationship with God like the kind of relationship you have with your spouse or your close friends? Have you ever wanted to hear and know the voice of God? Have you ever wanted to see God the way the prophets and disciples say Him? I ask these questions because I have always longed for this. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to walk and talk with God and hear his voice. A couple of days ago, this desire was ever pressing on my heart, and I stopped and asked God how this could be a reality. I wanted to have a relationship with Him like the prophets in the old testament had with Him. He showed me a revelation I knew but didn’t pay close enough attention to. 

I became interested in the prophet Elijah in the Book of Kings. He has always been a figure in the Bible that has stuck out to me because of how he walked and talked with God. After all, Elijah never died. He was taken from this earth on a flaming chariot to heaven. However, his life on earth was not an easy one. King Ahab and Queen Jezebel, both of whom were beyond wicked, chased him and wanted him dead. 

God told Elijah to present himself before King Ahab and call him out for his misdealings. He even called out the prophets of Baal, the false god of the Cannonites. Queen Jezebel was the one who persuaded King Ahab to worship Baal and follow after him. For as long as Jezebel reigned, her goal was to rid the earth of the prophets of the One true God. However, God used Elijah to put Queen Jezebel and the prophets of Baal to shame. Elijah challenged King Ahab to a “god” duel per se. He told Ahab to gather all of the prophets of Baal, some 450, at the top of Mount Carmel. They would build two altars there, one to Baal and the other to YHWH. Elijah proclaimed in front of the assembly that whoever’s God would light the altar on fire is the One true God. 

Elijah encouraged the prophets of Baal to go first. As tradition would have it, the prophets of Baal danced around the altar and cried out to Baal for him to hear them and light the altar on fire. This went on for some time, and after a while, even Elijah decided to jeer the prophets by telling them to speak louder because “maybe Baal was too busy or couldn’t hear them.” As the prophets kept dancing and shouting out to Baal, they eventually started cutting themselves with swords to get Baal’s attention. Finally, the prophets of Baal were too tired to continue, and Elijah took his turn.

Elijah rebuilt the altar of the Lord with 12 stones, one stone for each of the twelve tribes of Israel. He dug a trench around the altar and filled it with 24 pounds of seeds. He then told the people to fill four large jars with water and pour it on the offering and the wood. He then told them to do it two more times. The water used not only drenched the offering and the wood on the altar but ran down and filled the trench. He then prayed:

“Lord, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. Answer me, Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you, Lord, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again” (1 Kings 18:36-37).

When Elijah finished his prayer, the fire of the Lord fell and burned up everything. It burned the offering, the wood, the stones, and even the water in the trench. When the people witnessed this, they fell to the ground and proclaimed YHWH as God! Elijah then told the people to seize all the prophets of Baal and kill them. When Ahab returned to Jezebel, he told her what Elijah had done. Queen Jezebel sent messengers to Elijah saying, “May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of the prophets you killed” (1 Kings 19:2). At this, Elijah ran for his life.

At this point, you are probably wondering why I would ever want to have a relationship with God like the prophets of old. To put it simply, because of what happened next with Elijah. As Elijah fled, He found himself asking God to end his life. He felt alone and afraid. Elijah found himself under a bush and fell asleep. An angel touched him on the shoulder and told him to eat. Twice this happened, and the angel told Elijah that the journey he was about to embark on was “too much” for him. He then got up and traveled for forty days. He eventually found himself on  Mount Horeb. He found a cave and spent the night inside. The Book of Kings says: 

“And the word of the Lord came to him: ‘What are you doing here, Elijah?’ He replied, ‘I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with a sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me.’ The Lord said, ‘Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.’ Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind, there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. After the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over the face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, ‘What are you doing here, Elijah?'” (1 Kings 19:9b-13).

God spoke with Elijah. He talked to him in a whisper. This is a lesson that many of us have forgotten – God doesn’t speak in the loud and crazy. The Lord speaks in whispers. The Prince of this world has done a phenomenal job of distracting us with noise that we no longer hear the whisper of God. We are constantly surrounded by noise, distractions, and chaos that we no longer know how to hear or even know the voice of the Lord. To know God, we must learn to be still. We must remove the distractions that the Devil has placed in our life to keep us from hearing YHWH’s voice. This is why scripture says, “Be still before the Lord, all mankind, because He has roused himself from His holy dwelling” (Zechariah 2:13).

Fast forward some 900 years, and the Lord left His glory and throne in heaven to walk and live among His creation. He came to die so that He might reunite with His creation and have a deeper relationship with all of humanity. While He was here, He chose twelve men to be his disciples. One disciple, in particular, had such great zeal for the Messiah that he would often open his mouth and put his foot in it. However, he walked closely with Christ. So closely, that during a wild storm, he called out to Jesus from the boat to walk out on the water and meet with Him. Jesus told him to “Come,” and he threw his feet over the side of the boat, placed them on the water’s surface, and stood up as if he was standing on solid ground. He kept his eyes on Jesus for the first few steps as he made his way toward the Messiah. However, the waves and the chaos of the sea grabbed his attention, and he became afraid. It was then that he started to sink into the water. He cried out to Jesus saying, “Lord, save me!” Matthew records the incident and writes, “Immediately, Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. ‘You of little faith,’ He said, ‘Why did you doubt?'” (Matthew 14:31).

Many times in my life, I have seen myself in Peter. I have such zeal for Christ, but I sink and lose out on opportunities due to fear and distractions. More than anything, I want to live, breathe, and act in such faith that I can see and hear the Lord. I want it more than life itself. Some might say, “See, this proves there is no God, and you are wasting your time.” The only response I have to that is – There is a God. He is the Creator of the heavens and the earth. He was before all things, and without Him, nothing was made that has been made. He is the one true King, the savior of the world, and there is no other like Him. He is very much real. I do not see Him or hear Him because I have failed to seek Him. I have allowed the father of lies to entice me to think I am at a loss. I have let the father of deception distract me with the ways of this world that I have forgotten how to be still and listen to the whisper in which He speaks. Just because I can’t hear or see Him doesn’t mean he doesn’t exist. It means that I am to blame for my failure of not being able to see and hear Him. 

I want a relationship with my Creator like Elijah, Peter, Paul, and the Apostle John did. I want to hear Him, see Him, feel Him, and know that I am standing in His presence. I want it with every fiber of my being. YWHW said, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13). For too long, I have neglected giving Jesus ALL of my heart. This is why I have failed in my search for Him. He has always been there, but my heart has been distracted by every little breeze. For too long I have allowed the things of this world to capture parts of my heart. I say, “ENOUGH!” Enough with allowing the father of lies to keep me from giving ALL of my heart to my King! Enough with being enticed by every little whim that comes my way! Enough with the distractions that so easily entangle me! 

Lord, hear my prayer. Hear my cry to you now. Forgive me for allowing the things of this world to keep me from giving You my all. Forgive me for allowing the distractions and chaos of this life to drown out your sweet whispers. I ask, Lord, with ALL that I am, that You would bring me into You. With ALL that I am, I ask that you speak to me. Please open my eyes, Father, that I might see You. Open my ears so that I might hear Your whispers. Please help me to keep my eyes focused solely on You. Father, I am a sinner in need of saving. Jesus, I ask that my faith would forever grow. I want You, Lord, more than life itself. Nothing in this world compares to You. Nothing is worth giving my heart to more than you. Today, Lord, I lay it all down before You and ask that You would teach, guide, walk, speak, and be a part of everything I do. In Jesus’s name, I ask all this!

The Mindset of Christ

“In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset of Christ: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his advantage; rather, He made Himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled himself by becoming obedient to death – even death on a cross!” (Philippians 2: 6-8).

There are many kinds of mindsets we can take on in this world. There’s a winning mindset, a loser mindset, a focused mindset, and, my favorite, a disciplined mindset. Recently, I found that the Apostle Paul talked about a mindset that is rarely, if ever, discussed – the mindset of Christ. Based on the world’s standards, it is not a very glorifying mindset. But let’s be honest, anything that is glorified by this world is usually the opposite of God and His commands. Out of all the mindsets we can take on, this mindset is the one that matters most.

According to the Oxford Dictionary, Mindset is “the established set of attitudes held by someone.” The Apostle Paul said that we should have the same mindset as Christ. We need to ask, “What set of attitudes did Christ have?”. Paul gives us a small idea. “He did not consider equality with God something to be used to His advantage.” “He made Himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant.” “He humbled Himself to the point of death.” For Paul, this was the focus of his letter to the Church of Philippi, but is there more the mindset of Christ than these principles Paul writes about?

The principles Paul includes are foundational for the mindset of Christ – humility and service. Both of these qualities are the opposite of the world’s mindset – position and power. Jesus, the Son of God, the Creator of the world, the King of kings, stepped down from his throne of power and position, became nothing, was beaten, mocked, and ridiculed, and died on the cross for humanity. Go back and read that again. The Creator of humanity died for His creation. Let that sink in. What better example of humility and service is there?

Let’s go a little deeper. John wrote, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God. The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. He came to that which was His own, but His own did not receive Him” (John 1:1, 11, 14a). Jesus was in the beginning; He helped create humanity. He watched as His creation turned their back on Him and chose to serve themselves and the prince of this world. He watched repeatedly as His chosen people turned their back on him. He wanted nothing more than to have a relationship with his creation. To open the door for humanity to have a whole, authentic relationship with Him, He stepped down from His throne, lived with humanity as a servant, and gave His life for the ones that chose to walk away from Him in the first place.  

When was the last time you sacrificed yourself for someone who turned their back on you and treated you with disgust and disdain? Our finite minds cannot comprehend this kind of mindset. We want justice. We want to be right. We want those who hurt us to hurt in return. This is the mindset of this world. Yet the mindset of Christ looks past the hurt, brokenness, pride, and stubbornness. The mindset of Christ chooses to serve through humility and love rather than justice and self-righteousness. 

It would have been easier for God the Father and Jesus Christ to start over. Erase the mistake of humanity and try again with a new creation. A potter begins to mold a vessel. If that vessel becomes too weak or unstable, the potter smashes it back down and starts again. However, some potters see imperfections as beauty and will do what they can to finish the unique piece, blemishes and all. This is what Jesus Christ did for us. He created humanity with His Father in Heaven and called us good. He gave us free will to choose the path we wanted to walk in life. Humanity craved equality with the Creator, so they disobeyed His simple command and broke the relationship with YHWH. 

Jesus Christ, who is God and has equality with God, chose to make himself unequal to God and took on the form of humanity. His mindset was not focused on power and position. He didn’t claim equality with God even though He very much had it. His mindset was one of humility. You see, power doesn’t present love. A commanding presence doesn’t demonstrate love. Service is the highest level of love we can give each other. This is why Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). Humility is the ultimate embodiment of love. 

What does humility look like? Anyone can admit they are wrong or turn the other cheek, right? Humility is much more than this. The servant is the greatest example of humility. A servant does not live in self-righteousness. A servant will do the worst task without complaining. A servant will be obedient no matter what. Does that mean we obey others? Not exactly. The Apostle Peter wrote, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time” (1 Peter 5:6). The first step in humility is to humble ourselves before God. The mindset of Christ would say, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and love your neighbor as you love yourself.” Did you catch that? The order for humility goes – God, others, then ourselves. This is Christ’s mindset.

Jesus humbled himself and became obedient. He didn’t obey the religious leaders. He didn’t bend to the will of the government. Jesus was obedient to His Father in Heaven. He knew what He had to do and submitted himself to His Father’s will. A Christ mindset is one of total submission to YHWH. Even when He didn’t want to go through the pain and agony of betrayal, beatings, and crucifixion, He chose to submit to His Father, who raised Him up and glorified Him through the resurrection. 

None of us have been called to die for the world, as that has already been fulfilled through Christ Jesus. We have, however, been called to love our neighbors. We have been called to walk the extra mile, give the shirt off our backs, and give to those in need. You see, the mindset of Christ is one of pure dependence on Jesus. It’s about being uncomfortable doing the things the world finds strange, appalling, and ridiculous. It’s about living a life of sacrifice, humility, and obedience to YHWY and His word. 

With all the mindsets that are preached in this world, consider having the mindset of Christ. It is only through Him that we become winners. It is only through Him that life has meaning. Consider humility, obedience, and sacrifice something to be cherished rather than things of which to be ashamed. “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset of Christ: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his advantage; rather, He made Himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled himself by becoming obedient to death – even death on a cross!” (Philippians 2: 6-8).

Be At Peace With Everyone!

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). 

I love how the Lord works in my life. I pray every day for Him to help me be more like Him in my actions, thoughts, and words. Being human and struggling with pride and anger, I often fail at being like Jesus. However, I have learned that reflection and repentance are vital in growing to be more like Christ. With that said, this blog post is real, relevant, and very personal to me. I write this post knowing that I don’t always get it right, and I struggle many days to be the man God has commanded me to be. Only by His grace am I worthy of His love and forgiveness. Excuses will never find their way to the Lord’s ear, which is why I have no reason for choosing to follow the ways of this world at times, and when I do, I am ashamed of my actions and words. But thanks be to the King of kings and Lord of lords for His grace, mercy, and forgiveness. As Paul wrote, “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:24-25).

I tend to allow anger and pride to seep into my life and plant seeds that grow into weeds that do nothing but block the goodness of God and hinder me from becoming the man God has called me to be. I have struggled with anger for the majority of my life. Throughout my twenties and thirties, pride became a significant issue for me as well. These two qualities caused dissension and animosity toward others. I would build walls, burn bridges, speak poorly of others, cause emotional and mental harm for others, and I wouldn’t care who I hurt with my words or actions. I had a darkness about me in my younger years. The day I met my wife, that darkness slowly started to fade. Today, the darkness is still there, but it is much less than it used to be.

Why all of this backstory? I want you to know that I have struggled, and still struggle, with forces not of this world. Sometimes, I fall prey to the lies and deception that sound so good, resulting in broken relationships. I also want you to be encouraged to know that any darkness can be overcome. When we submit ourselves to the authority of Christ and seek after Him, darkness can not touch us. When we succumb to the devil’s lies and deceit, we must recognize our failures and repent. 

The title of this post is “Be At Peace With Everyone!” This is not easily done, nor does it come naturally. Paul wrote in Romans, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, be at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). There are two things that I want to discuss in this verse. First, “If it is possible…”. Second, “…as far as it depends on you…”. The command we are called to is to “be at peace with everyone.” This comes down to our hearts being submitted to God. We must look to Christ as our example of what it means to be at peace with everyone. 

“If it is possible…” There will be times when peace may not be possible. However, this doesn’t mean we choose not to be at peace. This means that we cannot control the actions, attitudes, and words of others, but we can take control of ourselves. To think that everyone will like us throughout life is a bit ignorant. And if this is the case, I would question your commitment and relationship with God. After all, the Apostle John wrote, “Do not be surprised, my brothers and sisters, if the world hates you” (1 John 3:13). 

“…as far as it depends on you…” It is up to each of us to be at peace with others. We are responsible for our actions and words. Just because people may not be peaceful with us doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be at peace with them. “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous” (Matthew 5:44-45). To do this, we must take everything and place them at the feet of Jesus. We must trust that He is in control. The moment we try to take control, all peace is lost.

Jesus Christ is the absolute embodiment of peace. After all, Isaiah said, “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6). Throughout Christ’s life, he lived in peace with all humanity – even the ones who wanted to kill him. He spoke in love and kindness. He lifted up the downtrodden, brought hope to the hopeless, and rest to the restless. He even dealt peacefully with slanderous people from the religious sect who sought to kill him. The only record of His anger was toward the religious for turning the temple into a den of thieves and robbers (Luke 19:45-48). These people should have known better, and Christ called them out for their unrighteousness and deceit. Even through his anger, Christ was still at peace with everyone, as far as it depended on Him.

Being at peace with everyone means learning to swallow our pride and anger. It means we take control of our own words and actions and speak only that which is “true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, and anything that is excellent or praiseworthy” (Phillipians 4:8). We must remember that our value does not come from the words and actions of others. Our worth comes from YHWH. It is only when we start to seek our value from the words and actions of others that peace fades away. Consider this, as Jesus was being persecuted, beaten, and crucified, people were hurling insults, accusations, and hate speech at him. His response was, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). He knew His Father, and He found his value in Him alone. 

In a world full of chaos and sin, it may feel impossible to consider being at peace with everyone. We must remember that the devil will lie, cheat, and deceive us into thinking our self-righteousness is essential and correct. The truth is that humility and submission to YHWH should be first before all things. It doesn’t mean we will get it right every time, but we must reflect on our actions, thoughts, and words. If anything is missing the mark, we must repent of our ways and turn to the One who can make us holy.

Being at peace with everyone starts with taking ownership of everything we do and saying and staying humble. As the Apostle Paul wrote to the church in Philippi, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourself, not looking to your own interest but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3-14). It is also important that we remember that our battle is not with each other but against the prince of this world who uses lies, deceit, and selfish ambition to keep us from doing the will of God, which is to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. With that, let us “get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ has forgiven us” (Ephesians 4:31-32).