Who Are You Becoming?

My perspective on life has changed.

For a long time, I cared deeply about my accomplishments and reaching the next big milestone. I spent much of my life looking ahead, thinking about what I needed to accomplish next and figuring out how to get there. Somewhere along the way, though, I lost valuable time with the people who matter most—my family and those closest to me.

I had bought into the ideology of the grind: the idea that you have to constantly push yourself, work harder, earn more, and make something of yourself. What I didn’t fully understand was the cost that mindset would have on my life. When we become completely focused on what we can accomplish, we can miss the most important thing of all: becoming a better version of ourselves.

Today, I care far less about my accomplishments or striving for the next big thing. I care more about the person I am and, more importantly, the person I am becoming.

There is a powerful passage in 1 Corinthians that says, “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing” (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).

I can hold the highest degree, have the most prestigious position, make the most money, or achieve something great—but if I don’t have love, and if I don’t care about the person I am becoming or how I treat the people around me, then what do those accomplishments really mean? Titles fade. Achievements become yesterday’s news. Money comes and goes.

Who I am as a person matters far more than anything I could ever accomplish.

Who I Am Matters More Than What I Am

My character matters more than anything I could ever accomplish in my life. When my focus is constantly on the next big move, the next promotion, or the next achievement, I can easily lose sight of my character. Instead of asking myself, Who am I becoming?, I start asking, What am I becoming in the eyes of everyone else? That is where selfish ambition can take over.

Selfishness cares more about titles and accomplishments than it does about love, kindness, respect, humility, and integrity. Who I am matters so much more than what I am.

For the majority of my career, I cared more about my status, achievements, and earnings than I did about showing love, kindness, and respect to the people around me. I became puffed up with pride, and that pride damaged relationships and limited my ability to become a better teacher and colleague. I became an island by my own choice.

I cared more about my thinking, my accomplishments, my title, and my way of doing things. In doing so, I lost valuable influence and damaged relationships that mattered. Instead of considering who I was becoming, I cared more about my status and what I knew.

I am reminded of the Apostle Paul’s words to the Corinthians: “We know that ‘We all possess knowledge.’ But knowledge puffs up while love builds up” (1 Corinthians 8:1). I was so focused on what I knew that I failed to build up the people around me. That is a regret I carry to this day.

What Do You Want to Be?

Growing up, most of us were asked the same question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

There is nothing wrong with that question. We should have goals. We should dream. We should work hard and strive to accomplish meaningful things. But I wonder if we are also missing a more important question.

Instead of asking young people, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” perhaps we should ask: “Who do you want to be as you grow up?”

Those are two very different questions. What I am might be a husband, father, teacher, colleague, or friend. But who I am is determined by my character. And, from what I have learned, my character is deeply connected to my relationship with Jesus.

The farther I walk away from Jesus, the worse I become as a person. The closer I walk with Jesus, the more I become the person He has called me to be. When Jesus is at the center of my life, my focus is no longer on me. It is on Him. It is on His will.

Who Is Leading?

Jesus has invited us to follow Him.

But there is something about that invitation that we often fail to understand. If I am going to follow someone, that person must be out in front of me.

Following Jesus means that my eyes must be on Him. I need to watch where He goes, what He does, and where He is leading me. The moment I take my eyes off Him and decide to take the lead, I am no longer truly following.

Even if I claim to be following Jesus, I can still miss the turn He wants me to take if I am too busy staring at the path beneath my feet instead of looking toward Him.

Who we are is deeply connected to Christ’s position in our lives. If Jesus isn’t out in front, and if my attention isn’t fixed on Him, I will continually struggle with pride, selfishness, arrogance, and an inflated sense of self. I know this because I have lived it.

For much of my life, I said I followed Jesus, but I didn’t really have Him out in front of me. I cared more about what I wanted and what I desired than I did about who Jesus wanted me to become.

For a long time, I wasn’t really following Jesus. Jesus was following me.

Then, when life became difficult, I wondered where He was. I felt alone. I questioned why God wasn’t there for me. But the truth was, I had taken my eyes off Him.

When I finally humbled myself, repented of my selfishness, and turned back toward Him, I discovered that He had never left. He was right there. Waiting. He didn’t judge me. He didn’t ridicule me. He didn’t shame me. He simply held out His arms and welcomed me home.

The Battle Within

When I took my eyes off Jesus, I became more focused on my accomplishments and my goals. Instead of seeking Him first, I pursued my own passions and desires.

And if there is anything history has taught us, it is that our passions and desires, when separated from God’s authority, can ultimately become our ruin.

In Genesis, we read about the first man and woman who had everything they could ever need. They lived in complete communion with God. They were in Paradise.

Then came the serpent—a deceiver who convinced them to take their eyes off God and believe that their own desires were better than what God had already given them.

They were tempted by the idea that they could become like God. They could have more. They could be more. They could elevate themselves and achieve a greater status.

Since that day, humanity has been caught in a constant battle between selfish ambition and humble submission to God.

And that battle still exists within each of us.

Who Are You Becoming?

Who we are is far more important than what we are.

If I am not focused on becoming more like Jesus, then my accomplishments ultimately mean nothing. If I am not keeping my eyes on Jesus, I risk becoming a person inflated by pride and selfish ambition. If I am not examining my own heart and paying attention to how I treat the people around me, then what I accomplish doesn’t matter nearly as much as I think it does.

Perhaps the better question isn’t, “What do you want to accomplish?” Perhaps the better question is: “Who do you want to become?”

Because one day, the titles won’t matter. The accomplishments won’t matter. The money won’t matter. The status won’t matter. What will matter is the person you became along the way—and whether you kept your eyes on Jesus.

So I will leave you with the question I have been asking myself:

Who are you? And even more importantly, who are you becoming?