GET OUT OF THE RUT!

Have you ever found yourself in a rut; struggling to find joy or meaning in what you’re doing? I know I have. I have been teaching for 10 years, and every year, right about this time, I find myself struggling to find motivation and passion in what I do. COVID has changed a lot of that this year, as this has not been a normal year by any means, but I have still found times where I struggle finding passion and meaning. So what do we do when we get to that point? How can we reignite our passion and motivation? How can we get ourselves out of a rut?

I have found that my passion is reignited when I read. Reading a new book about what I do, or what I am passionate about, reminds me of why I do what I do and provides new ideas to implement in my own life. I have a personal goal of reading one new book a month. I sometimes cheat and reread a book that I have already read, but nonetheless, my mind is being stimulated. Reading reignites passion and stimulates our brain to think. If you find yourself stuck in a rut and can’t seem to find a way out, I strongly encourage you to pick up a book and read. Simulate your brain to think outside of the rut you’re in. 

Another helpful tool I have found that gets me out of a rut is to journal or write. Writing a blog helps me think about topics, ideas, and personal struggles I am going through. By writing down my thoughts, I am able to work through the mental blocks that are keeping me in a rut. It also allows me a sense of mental freedom. Many times, my writing centers around what I am reading, or what I find to be keeping me from progressing forward. Putting our thoughts on paper helps us reflect on what we could change to make ourselves better and what areas might be stifling our progress.

Go outside. One of my most favorite things to do is get outdoors and enjoy nature. Nature has a way of clearing my mind, thoughts, and helps me recenter myself on what matters most. Whether I am out for a few hours or a few days, getting outdoors has gotten me out of many ruts in my life. Take some time and go on a walk, or find a way to get to the mountains and enjoy the view. Some might like the beach, so find time to get yourself to the place you feel free. But most of all, get outside, breathe in the fresh air, and let your mind relax.

Watch what you eat. I know this sounds weird, but I have found that what I eat has a direct impact on my mental state. If I eat too much greasy food or unhealthy food for multiple days in a row, my mind suffers. I have noticed a kind of cloud that just sits in my brain and keeps me from being productive. This leads to stagnation; ultimately putting me in a horrible rut. I have learned that the healthier the food choice, the healthier my mind will be. Believe it or not, there are studies that have shown that a healthy diet has a direct impact on cognitive abilities. Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean you never eat greasy food again, but rather limit how often you eat unhealthy food.

Finally, and most importantly, spend time with people you care about. One of the best ways, I have found, to get myself out of a rut is to just be with my family. My four children are amazing, and their smiles, creativity, sense of adventure, and all around awesomeness can pull anyone out of a rut. Another incredibly rewarding way of getting out of a rut is when I have the honor of going on a date with my amazing wife. Our time together, just her and I, is rewarding and refreshing. She challenges my thinking and ideas, we have wonderful conversations, and being able to plan and dream together opens my mind to new ideas and possibilities. So find time to be with people you care about. The payoff is so rewarding.

Takeaways:

  1. Pick up a book and read. Recharging our mind by reading about subjects we are passionate about keeps us focused and moving forward.
  2. Journal. Take time and write down your thoughts, ideas, and even your struggles. 
  3. Get outside. Go enjoy fresh air and let your mind relax.
  4. Watch what you eat. Healthy eating stimulates better cognition.
  5. Spend time with people you care about. Don’t sit on the couch. Don’t turn on the T.V.. Get together with people you care about and invest time with them.

Getting out of a rut is never easy, but if you don’t take the steps to get out of it, you will suffer and stifle your progress. If you have ways that you have found help get you out of a rut, please share them. I would love to know how others keep themselves motivated and focused.

As always, stay humble and serve well.

Leading Through The “Cancel Culture”

It seems that every day I look on social media, turn on the news, or read the paper, something new seems to become a victim of the “Cancel Culture”. If it’s not race and equality, then its gender and moral aptitude. Our society is set on a crash course that will end badly if not addressed. Leading through these abhorrent times is not only tricky, but can make or break you as a leader. However, leadership must be steadfast on three things. It doesn’t matter how often the winds change, leadership should be firmly planted on integrity, morals, and ethics. 

In a world that no longer values integrity and doing what is right, it is vital for leadership to be the anchor that holds true. Integrity is a quality that will establish a never ending legacy. There is a simple phrase that follows integrity: “Do what is right, no matter the cost.” I want to add a new phrase that speaks specifically to the “cancel culture” of our society. “Do what is right, not what is popular.” In a society that finds offense to everything, lacks self-confidence and self-control, and would rather ignore and expel truth rather than face it and grow, leadership must be firmly planted in integrity and do what is right. 

Don’t be afraid to swim against the current, especially if the current is leading to certain death. Don’t be afraid to stand for what is right. It won’t be easy, and there will be times that you feel alone, but this I promise you, you are NEVER alone. It can be lonely doing the right thing, but the benefits outweigh the cost. There is always the fear of “What if..”, but we should never fear doing what is right; especially as leaders. Stand strong and stand firm. Integrity is ten times more important and more valuable than potential profit or personal gain. Never sacrifice your integrity for the will of the masses. As leaders, we will all be judged one day. Ask yourself, what do you want the verdict of your judgment to be. For me, it is to have done the right thing, no matter the cost. 

Morals and ethics have all but disappeared in mainstream media, the news, business, politics, and most importantly, our culture. Everything has become acceptable, which has led to a chaotic, unruly, and an undisciplined society. Without morals and ethics, we have nothing to stand on. Morals are the inner convictions of what is right. If you turn on the news or flip through social media, I guarantee that you will see little to no morals, and many times, the lack of morals is celebrated. 

In leadership, morals should be what determine our choices and actions. Do we seek personal gain through the sacrifice of others, or do we celebrate those around us without any concern for our own promotion. Do we see those we lead as minions that do our bidding as we sit behind a desk barking orders, or do we see them as teammates who we work alongside and encourage and build up? We must always be careful in what we say and what we do. We must constantly be thinking and doing what is morally correct. Actions are louder than words. Who we choose to be and what we choose to do says a lot about our moral compass.

In a society that has lost sight of all forms of morality and ethics, leadership must be the pillar that never abandons their morals and ethics. Leadership must stand firm in integrity and do what is right; no matter the cost. Leaders, use common sense and don’t get caught up in the culture war that is slowly decaying our society. Lead with passion, fervor, integrity and humility. Be the pillar of strength in the weakened and spoiled society. Stand for morals and ethics. Don’t allow the bullies or this society keep you from living a life of principle. Don’t bend to the masses, but rather stand for truth, honor, and morals. 

Takeaways:

  1. We will be held accountable for all the choices we make. Be sure to make choices that you will be proud to stand by. 
  2. Leadership needs to be the pillar of morals and ethics now more than ever. Don’t fall prey to the morally declining society that runs rampant and unchecked.
  3. Doing what is right is more important than doing what is popular. Be the example, but know you may need to stand alone.
  4. The morally corrupt will ostracize those who oppose them. Just be prepared.
  5. Don’t sell out your integrity for popularity, likes, or dollar signs. 

As always, stay humble and serve well.

I Don’t Know Everything

Knowledge puffs up, while love builds up. I have spent the majority of my life “getting an education”. I have every degree you can possibly obtain, and the only thing I have learned is that I still have a lot to learn. It doesn’t matter how experienced you are, or how many degrees you have, the reality is that no one knows everything. 

I was sitting in a meeting on Friday and found myself reflecting on what was being discussed. I already knew everything that was being shared in the meeting, but I never found myself disengaged with what was being discussed. I actually took pause to this and did some self reflection. I found that I have conditioned myself to keep learning. It didn’t matter if I knew the material already, I was listening as if it was the first time I was hearing it. 

I am a firm believer in lifelong learning. Even if I already know something, I want to know more. I want to engage in understanding. I don’t want knowledge for knowledge’s sake, but rather, I want to understand and apply my knowledge. I feel many people today walk around thinking they know everything there is to know about their profession, their political ideologies, their relationships, and even themselves. There is a major problem with this. Simply,  no one will ever know everything. The moment we start to think we know everything is the moment we don’t know anything. 

What if we restructured our thinking with the idea of learning to understanding? What if we decided to approach everything we do with the mindset of persistent understanding? Instead of disengaging in a meeting where the topic is something you might “already know”, re-engage in the conversation with a desire to learn more. Share your ideas and your thinking. Engage in conversations that will stretch your thinking and force you to learn more. Just remember, it’s not about knowing everything, it’s about understanding.

You might be thinking, “That’s great and all, but where does love come into this?”. Knowledge puffs up, while love builds up. If we are not careful, knowledge has the ability to poison our mind. It has the ability to make us think we are superior in our ways and our thinking, and that we have nothing more to learn. This is why it is said, “Pride comes before the fall.” Knowledge tends to take our chest, puff it out, which causes us to look down on those with whom we are engaging. Knowledge tends to make us think that we always need to have something to say, or that what we have to say is right all of the time. Love? Love does the very opposite. 

Love is the four letter word that people don’t like talking about because it makes us uncomfortable. Personally, I don’t think we talk about it enough, and because of that, we have a puffed up society . You see, love does not walk around looking down on others. Love doesn’t force it’s ideologies and opinions on others. Rather, love seeks common ground and understanding. Love creates an open dialogue with the focus on others rather than ourselves. Love pushes us to hear and see everything as if it was the first time we were hearing it, watching it, going through it. Love is about learning for the benefit of others. When we seek understanding rather than just knowledge, we create an environment that builds each other up.

Case and point: When I sit in a meeting, where the information is something I already “know”, and choose to disengage in the conversation, my actions and attitude show the person presenting that they are beneath me. I might tend to look down on them because of my “knowledge” of the material. However, if I sit in the same meeting with a longing to understand, even if I already “know” the information, my actions and attitude show the presenter that they are important, and that I want to understand and respect them. And you never know, I might actually learn something new.  

I don’t know everything, and I never want to think that I do. I want to keep learning to understand. It keeps everything fresh and new, and it keeps me from thinking I have nothing new to learn. Humility is key to growing a forever learning mindset.

Takeaways:

  1. Knowledge puffs up. It doesn’t matter how much you know, you can always be learning something new.
  2. There is a big difference between knowing something and understanding something. Seek understanding and not just knowledge.
  3. Look at every situation as an opportunity to learn and grow. It doesn’t matter if you already “know” something, seek to gain more understanding. 
  4. Be okay with not knowing everything. 
  5. Grow. Grow your heart, your mind, and your understanding. NEVER stop growing.

As always, stay humble and serve well. 

Stop Being Weak

Weakness is a topic that is rarely talked about. We can be weak in many areas of our lives. We can be weak physically, in our mindset, our emotions, our fortitude, and many more. However, the aspect I want to focus on is our character. Our character should be the one aspect in our life that never falters, waivers, or shows any signs of weakness. After all, most areas in our life that are weak only affect us. Our character, however, affects others. A weak character builds weak relationships and hinders our potential. Through hard work and discipline, our weakness can be strengthened. 

When I was a young boy, I had a big problem with anger. I vividly remember my father telling me, “If you don’t get a grip on your anger, it will cost you something later in life.” Being young, I wrote it off with, “Yeah, whatever.” Fast forward to the age of sixteen. I was home with my sister, who is 4 years older than I, and I needed to get some laundry done. Her laundry was in the washer, so I told her to move her clothes from the washer to the dryer. At this point, my memory of the situation gets a little blurred. The next thing I do remember is my sister and I yelling at each other, her trying to leave the house, and me grabbing her by the arm and throwing her against the wall.

“If you don’t get a grip on your anger, it will cost you something later in life.” That day, I lost nearly 4 years of relationship with my sister. I was devastated because of my choices and actions. I was hurt because I knew my actions caused the break in relationship. I wanted, more than anything, to reconcile with my sister, tell her how deeply sorry I was for my stupidity, and regain what I had lost. I say I lost nearly 4 years, but what that really means is it took 4 years for my sister to even consider being in the same room with me. My actions, the weakness in my character, destroyed the relationship with the only sibling I have. 

Today, more than 20 years later, my sister and I are much closer than we were. However, time away has a funny way of building walls, barbed wire, and independence. My sister never needed me. She has never needed me. She is a strong, independent woman for whom I have great respect. However, because of my actions and weakness of character, I lost the ability to grow and build a relationship with her. If I could go back to that day, I would in a heartbeat. 

I still struggle with anger, but I have learned to curve it and deal with it in a healthy way. Metal is my music of choice, body count movies are a great go to, but most of all, I humble myself before my God and learn to be more like Him. I have been focused on building a character of integrity, honesty, and humility. I have really tried to focus on building a better me. Don’t get me wrong, I have a LONG way to go, and I won’t be done until I see my maker face to face. Until then, I will constantly be working on me. I will constantly be strengthening my character, so that I can hold dear the relationships that matter most. If leadership is about one life influencing another, then our character should be the one aspect of our lives that we never quit working on.

With that, I challenge you. Stop being weak. Find the areas in your character that need to be fixed, reshaped, worked out. Build a character worth having. Become a man or woman of strong character. Live with integrity, be honest with yourself and others, and be humble enough to know you have work to do. Be a person/leader of strong character.

Takeaways:

  1. Our character is the only aspect of ourselves that affects more than just us. A weak character builds weak or obsolete relationships.
  2. Reflection is key to becoming a better version of ourselves. 
  3. It is never too late to restructure, rebuild, or fix our broken character.
  4. If leadership is about one life influencing another, then make sure your character is one that builds positive, uplifting relationships with those around you.

As always, stay humble and serve well.

Don’t Assume

Today I had the pleasure of being told that I had said and done things that were offensive to someone else. When I got the news, I was taken back. When I probed for more details, I found that the accusations against me were nowhere near accurate, and that great detail was missing to put everything into context. And instead of seeking to gather the full story, the individual with the complaint against me assumed that the actions they were told I did were hardcore facts. In other words, assumptions were made that led to false and inaccurate information. Moral of the story, don’t assume that what you are told is fact until you get all sides of the story.

One day I was sitting in a meeting with my boss, discussing a situation that had happened between students, and she told me, “Well, there are always three sides to a story.” I never heard that before, and I asked her to explain it to me. She said, “There are always three sides to a story: 1) the person who was hurt, offended, what have you; 2) the person who did the offense; and 3) the truth somewhere in between.” She said, “It is up to us to determine what the truth is within the stories that are shared.” I found this to be quite profound, and I have never forgotten it. I have also noticed that there is great truth to what she told me.

Assuming what we are being told is hardcore fact is dangerous. The facts are rarely shared in one sided conversation. To assume that what we are hearing is 100% fact shows a lack of judgment and character. We should listen to what we are being told, but we should also be wise in what we accept as truth and fact. It is our responsibility to get all sides, all evidence, and seek complete understanding before we determine if what we heard was factual. In other words, don’t follow blindly.

If we always assume that what we hear is fact, then we can easily be led astray from the truth. We should always be seeking truth before making judgments, decisions, and taking action. When we only receive one side of the story, and follow it blindly, we jeopardize relationships, livelihoods, and our own integrity. Facts are not one sided, but rather have evidence and proof to support them. Opinions have little to no facts and tend to rely on feelings and emotions. It doesn’t matter if you hold a leadership position or not, never assume that what you hear is 100% true. Seek understanding before assuming.

This doesn’t mean you don’t listen, but rather listen wisely. People want to be heard, and giving them an ear that listens may be all they need. If someone complains about someone else, or shares what they believe happened, I encourage you to listen, but push for truth and reconciliation. Don’t believe hearsay and don’t get caught in the middle of disputes. Be the mediator, but bring both parties together to have a conversation to seek a resolution. Allow the truth to come out on its own by having both parties present. 

Takeaways:

  1. Assuming anything is dangerous. Don’t take everything you hear at face value. Listen wisely and seek truth and understanding.
  2. Assuming can ruin relationships, livelihoods, and our reputation.
  3. There are three sides to every story. Seek truth in all things.
  4. Listen but push for truth and reconciliation. Don’t get caught up in drama and hearsay. Keep your integrity intact. 

As always, stay humble and lead well. 

Reputation

Warren Buffet once said, “It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you’ll do things differently.” Relationship is key to leadership and reputation. Trust and confidence in a person takes time to build. The more we invest, are present, and are intentional in our interactions with others, the more easily trust is built. However, one wrong act, one lie, one selfish decision will ruin years of building trust and respect. If relationships are vital to the growth and progress of a team, we must constantly be on guard and watch what we say and do.

I live by a code: “Live in a way that morals and ethics are a habit and never a choice.” Morality tells us to live in a way that respects all people. It’s about making decisions and choices that are right and takes care of others around us. Ethics is doing the right thing no matter the cost, which is in direct line with integrity. If we purposefully live in a way that morals and ethics are a habit, relationships will be protected. However, I do not believe ALL relationships are good relationships. By making morals and ethics a staple in our lives, we will assuredly lose relationships, and those are the ones that have no place in our personal and professional life.

Reputation is important, as it is what goes before you. People hear about your reputation before they even meet you. The reputation you choose to have will determine your effectiveness as a leader and team player. Will people always speak positively about you? Probably not; especially when you live with morals and ethics. When you stand for what is right, do what is right, say what is right, I guarantee you will make enemies. But that’s okay. Those are the people that don’t belong on our team, or better, people we shouldn’t be following. 

We must always be on guard and protect our heart and mind. In a world that believes that looking out for number one is more important than service and self-sacrifice, we must always watch our steps as we traverse life’s path. It is easy to get entangled with the ways of the world, but we are called to be more; to be above the ways of the world. This world does not care about morality or ethical living. This world makes excuses for doing wrong in the name of self-righteousness. We must always keep our eyes on things above, and guard our heart and mind from the ways of the world. We must lead, love, and live with integrity.

We are not who we say we are, but rather what we do. We can claim to be men and women of integrity, but if our actions do not match our words, then who we say we are is a lie. People watch what we do. As the adage goes, “Talk is cheap.” Your reputation is a reflection of what we do. If we are constantly bad mouthing others, finding yourself in situations that question our morals and ethics, or if we live in a way that seeks personal gain through any means, our reputation will not promote positive relationships. There is a saying that I have found to be very true, “Whether you think so or not, someone is always watching you.” It’s not meant to sound creepy, but rather to make us aware of our actions and responses.  

Reputation is what goes before you, and it is legacy that follows you. The foundation on which you build your life will determine what kind of reputation will precede you and what legacy you will leave behind. Choose wisely what you do and what you say. After all, it takes years to build a reputation and only minutes to destroy it. 

Takeaways:

  1. You are not defined by who you say you are, but rather by what you do. Your reputation is not built on pretty words, but on actions that are observed and questioned. Actions speak louder than words.
  2. Morality and ethics are the foundation that you should build your reputation. Live a life of integrity, and make it so interwoven in every fiber of your being that morals and ethics are habit and not a choice.
  3. If you live with integrity, expect to make enemies. 
  4. Reputation is what precedes you, and legacy is what follows you. How and what you build your life will determine the value and effectiveness of both.
  5. Be mindful of your actions and words and keep a close eye on your heart and mind. 

Stay humble, serve well.

“No” Is Not Easy

We all dream. We all have goals. We all want something for ourselves. Many start with an attitude to pursue their dreams and work to achieve them, but the day that they fail to obtain their dream, or the day they get tired of hustling and pushing themselves, is the day they quit and figure it’s not for them. Maybe it was a job that they really wanted; a job they have been preparing themselves for; they put all the work into the application, their resume, their cover letter, and submit all the needed documents to HR only to get an email a few weeks later that says, “Sorry, but you were not selected as a potential candidate.” 

“NO” is not easy.

It’s at this point that a decision must be made. We can get frustrated, angry, depressed, and succumb to the darkness of disappointment and lose the passion and dream, or we see it as an opportunity to push forward and look for the next great opportunity. What separates these decisions is a strong, positive mindset and faith. “No” is not easy to hear. 

If we choose the first option, our passion and fire will slowly diminish. The more we sit and wallow in our perceived misery, the farther down the rabbit hole we go. This is where our mindset will either help us succeed or take us to a dark and hopeless place. “No” is not easy, but it doesn’t mean “Never”. We need to keep this in mind. “No” and “Never” are two very different words. A positive mindset will tell you, “This isn’t the end. On to the next possibility.” A positive mindset creates a sense of purpose and meaning. It sees a closed door and looks for the open window. It looks for a way out of the burning building instead of sitting and watching the flames grow larger. 

Faith is extremely important when hearing “No”. I do not believe in fate. Fate is an excuse to quit and give up. Fate is hopeless and meaningless. Fate destroys joy, passion, and anticipation. Fate is for the weak. I believe it is my responsibility to make plans, pursue my dreams and passions, and it is God who guides my steps; only if I let Him. Therein lies the key…willingness and obedience. I believe in a God who wants nothing but the best for me. I believe in a God who will never force himself or his plans on me, but will give me the freedom to trust and believe. Faith takes selfishness and turns it into humility. 

I have been rejected more times than I can count, and as I look back, I thank God that I was, or I wouldn’t have the blessings I do now. If I chose to live in despair due to rejection, I wouldn’t have my amazing wife, my beautiful children, my current job, my house…the list goes on. If I would have allowed my first, second, or hundredth rejection to define my plans, goals, passions, and dreams, I wouldn’t be where I am today. It is through my faith and trusting God that He has something better for me, which He has shown He does every time, and a positive mindset, that I see “No” as an opportunity for something better.

“No” is never easy, but with faith and a positive mindset, “No” is not final. I write all of this from personal experience. I write this having been told “No” just this week. I write this because it is a real struggle, and I want to encourage you to set your mind on things above. If you don’t have faith, I hope you find it. If you believe in fate, I hope you see the destruction that the belief in fate can cause. You are made for more than what you consider to be the top. A “No” is not fatal. Reflect, refocus, and readjust. Trust that “No” is a sign pointing you in a better direction. Keep moving forward in anticipation for the next great opportunity.

Takeaways:

  1. “No” is not fatal. Experiencing rejection is not the end of the world, nor is it the end of your dreams and goals. “No” might mean “Not yet” or “Not this one”. Keep your head up and look for the next opportunity.
  2. You have a choice to make when you hear “No”. You can either fall into the pit of despair, or rise up and keep moving forward with hope that a new opportunity is waiting for you.
  3. Mindset and faith have a lot to do with how you react to “No”. Disciplining your mind to see rejection as opportunity takes time, but it keeps you from falling into the “Woe is me” mindset. Faith is the foundation that keeps you standing. When we place our hopes and dreams in personal gain and selfish ambition, “No” is fatal. When we trust that our lives are in the hands of God who deeply loves and cares for us, a “No” is a sign post.
  4. Anticipate the next great opportunity. Opportunity is everywhere. As the great physicist, Albert Einstein, once said, ““In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” 

May your next “No” be a sign that leads you to your next great adventure.

Character Flaws

Do you know how gold refiners remove the impurities from gold? They start by placing the gold into a crucible and heating a furnace to over 1,000 degrees Celsius (1,832 degrees Fahrenheit). Once the optimal temperature is reached, they place the crucible into the furnace and wait for the gold to melt down to liquid. During the melting process, the dross, or impurities, in the gold rise to the surface. The gold refiner takes the crucible out of the furnace and scrapes the impurities from the top of the melted gold. They then stir the liquid gold and place it back into the furnace. They repeat this process until dross no longer comes to the surface of the melted gold.

Henry David Thoreau once said, “You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one.” Character is not something that just happens, but rather is built, molded, and shaped over time. There is no such thing as the perfect character. We must constantly be working at building our character and making ourselves better. Flaws are a natural occurrence in our character. However, with the right mindset, discipline, and focus, our character flaws should diminish over time. This doesn’t mean we will eventually have a perfect character, as perfection is not for this world. 

Flaws do not mean failures. Every person has character flaws. The difference between character flaws and character failure lies in whether someone is willing to work to better themselves. Flaws can be restored, removed, reworked, and touched up. We all have flaws, but what we do with our flaws will determine our effectiveness as individuals and leaders. 

Character flaws are the parts of us that need to be worked on. They are the parts of us that need to be scraped off the top after the heat has been added. Just like dross coming to the surface, our character flaws are shown when things in our lives heat up. These times could be considered the refining process. It is up to us to determine how long we choose to be in the refining process. 

However, there are times when our character flaws are shown without any heat added at all; when we respond aggressively, act selfishly, become arrogant and prideful, the list goes on. There are many times we choose the character we have; heat and pressure is not needed. These are the times we must pay attention the most. These are the times where our character is more about who we are, or who we are becoming, and less about what we do. These flaws are the silent killer to our character. We must be careful to never make excuses for character flaws. These excuses usually sound something like, “This is just who I am.”

Our character is defined by our choices. We become what we repeatedly do. It isn’t until we take ownership of our actions that we will become better. Stephen Covey said it well when he said, “Our character is basically a composite of our habits. Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily, express our character.” It is critical that we find ourselves in a continuous state of reflection if we are ever to better ourselves. Those small actions, attitudes, and reactions we show are a direct reflection of our character, and many times there are flaws that need to be addressed.

Takeaways:

  1. Our character flaws need to be addressed. Don’t ignore the parts of you that need to change. Those parts are holding you back from becoming better and more effective in everything you do.
  2. Reflection is key when dealing with character flaws. Purpose within yourself to reflect daily on your actions, choices, and reactions. Discover the parts of you that need to change and put all your effort into buffing out your flaws.
  3. Character is tested during the pressures and heat within our lives, but we don’t always need heat and pressure to see our character flaws. When choosing aggression over understanding, selfishness over service, or being right over being humble, our character is showing, and heat wasn’t needed to show these flaws.
  4. Nobody is perfect, and there is no such thing as a perfect character. We all have flaws and will continually battle buffing the flaws from our character. It’s when we stop trying, stop improving, and stop doing what is right that our character flaws become cracks and chasms that can do extreme damage.

Keep pushing yourself to be better. Unless we pay attention to our character and changing the flaws that are hindering us, we might always struggle to become a positive influence on the people in our life.

Why I Started A Blog About Leadership

There are multiple reasons why I chose to start a leadership blog. One reason was that I wanted to put my doctorate degree to use, rather than just looking at an expensive piece of paper (my diploma). I have a passion for leadership and  believe that effective and purposeful leadership happens through service and selflessness. My blog helps me reflect on my own life, and the mistakes and victories I make as a leader. But the main reason I started a blog on leadership was because of the lack of leadership I was seeing from other people in leadership.

I wanted to write a blog about the value and importance of effective, purposeful leadership. There were so many “leaders” that were failing, and some are still failing, at being real leaders. I wanted to speak out about proper leadership skills, attributes, and characteristics that I believe lead to strong, effective teams. I was seeing characteristics in different leaders that did not condone strong, effective leadership. There was very little ownership and a lot of blaming. There was a lot of excuse making and dismissal of issues that needed to be dealt with. The leadership I was watching had a lack of any leadership qualities, and it was hurting the team. 

Leadership is such an important role on multiple levels. I believe people think leadership is only for people who have “leadership” titles. The truth, however, is that everyone is a leader, and we all need to take ownership of our choices and pay attention to how we are leading. This is why the quote from John C. Maxwell, “Leadership is not about titles, positions, or flowcharts. Leadership is about one life influencing another” is front and center on my homepage. We have forgotten the importance of humility, service, and selflessness.

Earlier I mentioned that I started the blog as a reflection for my own leadership, and that reflection has turned into a personal challenge. I have learned the value of reflection through my blog, and it has been clear in showing me the areas for which I still need to work. I do not believe I have it all together, and I don’t believe I live out effective leadership everyday. In fact, I don’t believe anyone does, and anyone who tells you differently is lying to you. Perfect leadership doesn’t exist. This is why reflection has been key in the molding and shaping of the areas for which I still need to grow. 

My blog has also increased my reading. I have read more books in one year than I have in my whole life, and every book I have read, I have found wonderful truths that help shape my thoughts and beliefs about leadership. I have grown to admire certain leaders such as Brad Lomenick who wrote H3 Leadership; Jocko Willink and Leif Babin who wrote Extreme Ownership; Pat Lencioni who wrote The Four Obsessions of An Extraordinary Executive and The Five Dysfunctions of A Team (this is a near future read). I have also read Fortitude by Dan Crenshaw and American Sniper the autobiography of Chris Kyle. I have learned the value and importance of reading. There is truth in the quote by Harry S. Truman, “Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers.”

I have also found a love for writing. I enjoy sitting down and spilling my thoughts into a document (or on paper, depending on how old you are). I have an increased appreciation for writing and have plans to write a few books in my lifetime. I enjoy taking what I am thinking about and sharing it in word form. There is something new and special about writing about your thinking. It becomes a medium to review your own thoughts. For those of you who think I write a blog post and never revisit it, I hate to disappoint you, but that’s not accurate. I actually revisit my past posts often. I have found areas in previous posts that I have grown, some I have changed my mind about, and others that remind me of what I need to be doing as a leader. Writing is a way to see how you change as a person.

Ultimately, my blog started as a way to speak out against the types of leadership I have been witness to. I wanted to share what I have learned effective leadership to be. Throughout the process, my blog has changed to be more of a reflection, reminder, and support for myself and you, the reader. I want to be an influencer for service leadership. I want to challenge myself and others to lead everyday, and to remember that leadership is not a title, but how one life influences another. We are all leaders, and our leadership should be something that leaves a positive, selfless legacy. Will we always get it right? No. But the beauty of life is that we are given opportunities to learn from our mistakes and become better. We just need to be disciplined and take ownership of everything. As Jocko says, “Discipline equals freedom.”

No More Excuses

“I just don’t have the time.”

“I’m too tired.”

“I don’t feel like it.”

“I have other things I need to be doing (inevitably not getting done).”

“Not my job.”

“It’s not my responsibility.”

Do any of these sound familiar? Are there other statements you could add to the list? Have you ever said something like these before? I have found that the more we should do something, the better we are at making excuses for why we don’t do it. I have also found that people would rather make excuses for something rather than take ownership of it. If you have read any of my previous posts, you will notice there is a theme: 1) Leadership is service; 2) Take ownership of everything.

The other night I had a major epiphany. (Now, I am going to get really vulnerable on this one, and you can go ahead and laugh at me or tell me how ridiculous I was, because I already know and I would laugh too.) I was sitting on the couch reading a book when my wife poked her head around the corner and said, “Why didn’t you tell me you were out of your coffee creamer?” This was my response…”How is it my responsibility to tell you when my coffee creamer is out when you are the one that does the shopping list? Why don’t you look in the fridge and see if I need more?” My response was defensive, finger pointing, and down right idiotic, but I wouldn’t come to figure this out until later. 

This response led to my wife stating, rather aggressively, that she doesn’t use my coffee creamer, and that she wouldn’t know that it was low because of that. I continued with my “solid” position that it was her responsibility to check cause she did the grocery list (I know, this sounds ridiculous, right?). It was at this point that I became even more obstinate and told her that I wasn’t going to have this stupid conversation because she wasn’t taking ownership of the problem………………………you got that right? I was quitting a conversation because SHE wasn’t taking responsibility……Anyone else see the issue here? I didn’t until MUCH later that evening. 

We spent the remainder of late afternoon and evening not talking. It wasn’t until after the kids went to bed, and my wife tried to have a different conversation, that it all came back full circle. Let me pause here and explain what was going on in my head the entire time my wife and I were not talking….When I “ended” the conversation, I was frustrated and irritated that my wife wouldn’t take responsibility for this situation. However, I am the kind of person that is always reflecting and thinking about conversations and situations after they happen. There was a much deeper issue here, and I didn’t want to admit it. It was so much easier to blame my wife and tell her to take ownership. But right there lies the issue. I was refusing to take ownership. I was refusing to do the one thing I was telling her to do (and this is where all of you go, “well, duh!”). 

My reaction for being an idiot was to be rude and uncaring toward my wife. She was 100% in the right, and I was ALL kinds of wrong. During our later conversation, I admitted to her that I was absolutely wrong in everything I said, and that I was sorry for not taking ownership of the situation. I told her what I was thinking about, what I was struggling with, and I told her I reacted the way I did because I knew I was wrong. I knew it was me who needed to take ownership, and I failed miserably. In the end, I took ownership and said, “You got it, Love. I will tell you when I need coffee creamer.”

It’s here that I get to dote on my wife a little. She is absolutely my better half. I learn so much from her, and she has so much patience with me. She is forgiving, caring, and compassionate. In other words, she puts me to shame really well. I absolutely love my wife, and thank God everyday for blessing me with a woman that I absolutely don’t deserve. She helps me be a better man, husband, and leader. I hope you have someone in your life just as awesome as my wife.

Okay, back to the point of this post. It is easy to make excuses and blame things on anything or anyone else. However, it shows a lack of ownership, and, most of all, a lack of character. I was angry with myself on how I treated my wife, my lack of character, and my own hypocrisy. And I have to tell you, if you don’t get angry and frustrated with yourself when you do stupid things like I did, you need a character check. As leaders, we need to be constantly reflecting and taking ownership of everything. 

Jocko Willink and Leif Babin do a phenomenal job explaining the power, purpose, and reason to take ownership in their book Extreme Ownership (If you haven’t read this, you need to!). Excuses are for those with a weak character and a lack of discipline. Ownership is for those of us who want to be better and lead with purpose and passion. Excuses make for a poor leader. Ownership makes for a humble leader. My stupidity was hard to swallow, but it was the best learning opportunity. It showed my weakness and the cracks in my character that need mending. So stop making excuses or blaming everything and everyone for your lack of ownership. Trust me, it’s so much more liberating when you finally decide to take ownership and stop making excuses. 

Takeaways:

  1. Just because you think you’re right doesn’t mean you are. I thought I was justified and right. I thought I was the one being disrespected. But the truth was that I was failing. I was making the choice to not take ownership. I still have work to do, and it is only through reflection and purposeful change that I will become better,
  2. Excuses come from those who are weak in character. People make excuses all of the time instead of owning their actions and choices. This is a direct reflection of their character. If you struggle with this, I want to encourage you to do everything in your power to overcome your excuses and take ownership of your life.
  3. Humility is what makes a good leader. Please don’t think I am trying to toot my own horn here, because that is the last thing I want to do. I failed, and I failed miserably. However, I had two options, live with the lie inside, or own my failure. It is always better to own it, admit it, and learn from it.
  4. You have a choice to either lead with passion and purpose or to lead with excuses. Everything is a choice. How we act, react, respond, what we say…everything is a choice. As leaders, we can choose to act in a way that serves others by taking ownership as a leader, or we can choose to blame and make excuses creating rifts and damaging relationships. Choose wisely what road you walk.  

Stop making excuses, own your faults, failures, and mistakes, reflect and learn from them, and, ultimately, choose to become better.